Monday, December 30, 2013

Getting older.....

Happy Birthday to me.....I can't complain too much about my day so far.  I was awakened at 3:00 this morning with Corbin screaming that his ear hurt.  After getting him handled until the doctor could see him I went back to bed.  The next time I woke up I received a card and coffee in bed. To my chagrin the card came with instructions, you open it, it sings to you, then you have to blow out the candles.  It took me three try's to blow them out.  In my defense I do have a cold, though I'm not sure that is much of a defense.

Went to the doctors for Corbin, got some Starbucks and got to sit and lounge for a little bit while my mom took the boys shopping. When they got home from shopping I got the biggest hug from Corbin.

C:  Mom you remember when you were younger?

Me:  That was yesterday.

C:  Yeah...It's your birthday...I'm so sorry.

Me:  For what?

C:  Your old now. I love you.

Well there you have it.  I'm old.  Nothing like kids to tell you how it is.

Saturday, December 21, 2013


I swear every year I am never going to make cookies with my mom again.  We always make too many different kinds and too many cookies in general.  By the time we are done I cannot stand the smell of sugary items.  They make my stomach churn.  This year again I said no.  I will not make cookies.  I even said this to my mother more than once.

Ah but I'm a sucker.

By the end of the night my mother had left and we still had at least 3 kinds of cookies to finish. Why do I continually agree to to this? It took me two days to finish the last three kinds of cookies and I still have dough left and supplies to make twenty more kinds. They are finished.  And I am never doing this again.....I know I said never and I always do. Ah but this year is different.  I believe that after my mothers allergic reaction to the flour I will never be forced to bake cookies again. By saying never so I'm toast, its worth trying though. Sad that I find glee in someone else's allergy.  Bwa Haa Haa no more cookies!!!!!

Thursday, December 19, 2013

What do gingerbread houses and hot glue have to do with each other?

Sitting in the school room teaching Corbin division.  (More like telling him to stop messing with me and finish his math problems)  I hear someone getting into a box and plastic wrap.  (I like to pretend that this stuff isn't happening.) I hear the sweet baby voice of Adam questioning Diego on what he's doing.

A: What are you doing?

D:  Getting the gingerbread houses out so you guys can work on them.

A:  Ohhhhh.  Are you going to glue them?

D: No silly that's what the frosting is for.

A: Grandmother glued them last time.

How does he remember this, I think it was two years ago she did that.  Oh and yes she totally hot glued them together. That's exactly what she said when she brought the kit in my house looked at Diego and said "Good luck, Adam wanted this.  Last time I had to hot glue the houses to make them stay." It was like daring him to do something.

D: Yeah we aren't going to glue them this year.

A:  Well, Diego is good so it should work this way.


There was a whole side conversation from Zach trying to dispute the hot glue theory but he finally conceded that yes she did hot glue the houses in the end.

Monday, December 9, 2013

He just licked my neck

I'm on the phone and doing laundry.  I walk out of the living room for two minutes.  I walk back in the room to observe my oldest child kicking my middle child.

In almost complete unison:  "He started it!"

Me: What is the matter with you two?!?!?!

Zach: He hit me.

Me: So you kicked him across the room?

He just looks at me with the look of I knew better but I did it anyway.

Zach:  Sorry Corbin.

Corbin:  Sorry Zach.

Then Corbin leans in and hugs Zach.  This may look like the sweet innocent hug but oh no.

Zach:  Did you just lick my neck?

Corbin:  No.  I just breathed on you.

Some days it is so hard to stop my laughter.  I giggled.

Zach:  No. Mom he licked my neck.

Me:  Corbin, did you just lick your brothers neck?

Corbin:  No, really I was just breathing on his neck.

Me:  Why?

Corbin:  I couldn't breath.

Me:  Apologize to your brother for licking his neck.

Corbin: Sorry Zach. (he goes to give his brother another hug with a slightly evil look in his eyes)

Me:  Nope just say you're sorry you don't need to hug him again.

I guess I can add don't lick your brother while apologizing to him another thing I never thought I would have to say.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

The best compliment a parent can receive.

I took my Zachary to the dentist.  I let him go in by himself so I didn't have to endure the little boys in the dentists office which is never really fun. I received a text message from Zach to come make his next appointment.  I walked in and he is doing magic tricks for the whole staff.  I asked him to do another of his tricks and then get in the car.  The staff seemed really amazed by his tricks I was pretty sure they were just feeding his ego.

The lady at the front desk starts asking me what days are best.  I tell her and she starts to make the appointment when the hygienist looks at her:

Hygienist:  You need to make it before 1pm.

Me:  Okay I can do that, any particular reason?

Hygienist:  I want to work with him again. That kid is awesome, he has really clean teeth, he's funny, and to top it off he does magic, like really good magic.

Nothing like a complete stranger complimenting your child and I guess he really was having fun watching Zach do magic.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Throw back Thursday does not mean regression of behavior....I hope.

Today was a very, very long day and its still early.  I guess in retrospect I could see the tantrum coming. All last week we narrowly avoided the breakdowns that were simmering, what used to be a daily occurrence for my dear sweet Corbin.

Alas the breakdown could wait no longer.  Christmas, all the changes in decorations of the house, the weather(having an allergy to the cold sucks), his brother teaching his karate class this morning instead of the usual instructor, or Diego being gone this morning when he got up.  Whatever it was it brought out the unreasonable side of my child.

I have been, hit, screamed at, and fired. Yes fired.  (Apparently children can fire their parents, its not effective but I'm sure it makes him feel better.) All in the course of about 10 minutes.  I must send an email apologizing to my host for my child's outburst and my wanting to exit the home as soon as was safely possible.

Maybe I have been too involved in other things to make this observation but until today I have never seen him sabotage himself into a tantrum.  Maybe he just needed a release, wish he had chosen a better venue but there really never is a good place for these breakdowns.  He made a conscious choice to make himself unhappy. Even given the choice to make a change he chose to be miserable. I'm pretty sure when people post stuff on Facebook about throw back Thursday it's not supposed to include behavior.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Can you find it?

Can you see what I see in this picture?  Something that does not belong in an indoor trash can.  

Apparently my children are no longer afraid of 1. gifts from the cats and 2. Snakes.

I swear if he try's to throw that at me again I'm going to put it on his lap top.  Maybe I need to get some novelty ones to put on his lap top anyway.....I will blame it on the cats, you know those darn cats can be sneaky.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

The Elf on the Shelf is a little too happy this year.

The children woke up to day 2 of the Elf on the Shelf.  Usually the Elf cannot get off his skinny little butt and change his location.  This year the little Elf has decided not only to move but to take liberties with the kids computers and Diego's phone.  I received the following text message:

Good Elf:  I hope you don't mind but you looked like you were having fun playing this game that I thought I would try it out.  Mine craft is really fun. Ps.....I had to borrow Diego's phone.  Hope he doesn't mind. :-) "Good Elf"

The Selfie that came with the text message.
The expression on Adams face was priceless.  Corbin walked into the room the elf was hiding, looked at the Elf and said "really? Really?"  The kids then went to church where Adam told everyone he could about the silly elf in our house.  They then went to their dads. I was surprised to see the Elf move again even when the kids were gone.  I think the Elf may have a drinking problem.  

Saturday, November 30, 2013

What is he doing now?

As I sit on the couch doing all my Christmas shopping I casually look out the back door.  What do I see? Corbin leaning against the door with a stick in his hand.

Me:  What is he doing now?

D:  Huh?

Me:  Look out the window. Is he eating that stick?

D:  Looks like it, wait no, he's peeling it.  See he's spitting it out.

Me:  Okay then.

Some things just aren't worth getting upset over.

Friday, November 29, 2013

The Return of Good Elf....

Tonight marks the return of Good Elf....The Elf on The Shelf Elf.  Immediately after reading the story of Good Elf what does my dear sweet baby boy do? Run off to brush his teeth.  After a few minutes I went looking for the children who were supposed to brush their teeth, then come back out in the living room to try and stay up a little longer(can't break with a nightly routine).  Where oh where were my children? Especially that little one?  In bed.  Hummm....

Me:  Whatcha doing?

A:  I'm doing everything I should.  I'm going to listen and get ready for bed and go to sleep when you tell me to.

Me:  How long do you think you are going to do this for?

A:  Until Good Elf is gone after Christmas.

Well, he listened to the story that is for sure.  Children only need to be good when Santa sends out his stalking elves.

A few minutes later Zach was getting into bed and we were giggling over Adams commentary.

Z:  Yeah, mom there's nothing that says good and kind like a fat guy in a red suit that sends his minions to stalk you.

Good times over here...Good times.

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Happy Thanksgiving!

 According to one of the children here at the house, nothing says Thanksgiving like a giant metal chicken.
 Zach took these pictures of our extremely large turkey, 28 pounds....He took the first one then he backed up.
Me:  What are you doing?

Z:  It's too big!  I can't fit it in the lens.  
Happy Thanksgiving!  I'm sure today will be a blogtastic day!

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Welcome to Party Central

Happy Thanksgiving week! We kicked off the beginning of our Holiday week with having a sleepover last night with one of the boys favorite friends.  The festivities continued this morning when we went to help finish the karate studio, picked up a 28 lb turkey, and having almost 15 children in the house. Two hours ago another of the boys most favorite friends arrived to stay the next few nights with us.  Through all the chaos of the day and all the preparations Corbin has been watching.  Until about two minutes ago when he came in the living room where I am folding laundry, watching a movie, and talking with Diego.

C:  Hey guys, Diego, Mom, welcome to our home, this is party central, though we haven't had a party yet but when we do we'll be ready.

I lost it.

Apparently watching Monsters University and comparing it to his home he has decided that he lives in party central. Never a dull moment.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

The Hulk

Adam seems to be under the impression that Diego can fix anything.  From broken toys to pants needing to be sewn.  As it happens today Adam tore a hole in the knee of his pants and decided to put the pants on our bed for Diego to fix when he got home from work.  When we got home Adam went in the room and brought the pants to Diego.

A:  Look, I ripped a hole in these, and I don't even know how I did it.

D:  I don't know how you did it either.  Maybe you just grew out of them.

A:  Yeah maybe.

D:  Like the Hulk.

A:  (in a totally nonchalant way)  Yeah, I think that's what happened.  I grew like the Hulk.


Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Halloween and Fire Works?

When I picked the boys up today from their dads the first thing out of Corbin's mouth was a slight shock to me.

C:  When is Diego going to be home?

Me:  When he's done working.

C:  Good.  I hope he bought fireworks.

Me:  WHAT?

C:  I can't wait to set off fireworks.

From the child who until three days ago wouldn't even go outside when the hint of fireworks were going off. Okay then.

Me:  Well we don't have any fireworks but we could put up some Halloween decorations.

C:  Okay but only if they are scary.

Me:  What?

A chorus from the back of the car:  Yeah we want to put up scary decorations!

Who are these children and what have they done with mine?!??!?!  I guess they are growing up.  Bwa Haa Ha!  I love it!  I can't wait for Halloween now!  No more cutesy little decorations!  I'm putting up the webs this year with my guys!  Awesome!!!!!

Monday, October 21, 2013

Things Children Teach You About Yourself......

Corbin has never liked just sitting and watching movies.  He gets up, goes outside, or to the bathroom, or to his office, any where but where the movie is being watched.  He wanders in and out of the room.  Makes a comment then moves on.  Where in the world did he get this bad habit from?

Sitting watching scary movies has never been my strong suit.  I don't love them the way some people do. When requested to I will watch them.  Mind you when I do watch them unless you hold me down I will get up and walk around, do laundry, go to the bathroom, get people drinks, food, popcorn and generally try to avoid watching said movie.  I will even blog.  I don't really like scary movies.  And now we know where Corbin gets his bad habit from. Sigh.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

And this kid is always telling me I'm not his best friend.....

I picked up one of our favorite friends today!  I love this kid.  He makes me laugh every time he is here.

K:  Ms. Flamik, I got this kid at school he's like one of my friends.  He's always telling me,"you're my friend but that guy is my best friend not you."

Me:  What is he a girl?  I thought this only happened between girls.  Are you telling me boys are just as bad as girls when it comes to this you're not my friend garbage?

K:  Yup.  He's acting like a girl.  Thanks Ms. Flamik.

What did I do?????  Whoops!  Darn you filter for slipping out of place!

Friday, October 18, 2013

Progress is always amazing to witness.

I have said for the last two years that we have come a long way.  Tonight we have passed one of the biggest hurdles for my sweet Corbin.

Corbin has been terrified of fire, fireworks, and loud noises all of his life. Even the mention of fireworks has been cause for complete meltdown.

Tonight we read the notice on the side of the mailbox saying that there were going to be fireworks.  My first thought was in line with previous years...Oh crap.  Diego however has not experienced Corbin's wrath and he was pretty sure Corbin was going to be just fine.

Midway through the afternoon Corbin decided to tell us that he wasn't afraid of anything. Which then was turned and used against him.

D: So if you aren't afraid of anything you won't have any reason to be afraid later tonight when they are going to have fireworks right?

C:  Nope.

I wasn't going to hold my breath on that one.  I was willing to let someone else try to reason with the unreasonable.

Throughout the afternoon Corbin asked a few questions about when the fireworks would be and watched the time.

At 8:45 pm the fireworks started.  He peeked his head outside a little saw a few of the fireworks, plugged his ears, and came back in.

C:  That is really loud.

(After I was told I needed to calm down) I asked him if he wanted to go outside with me.  A little reluctantly he let me lead him outside with his ears plugged and leaning on me, Corbin watched his very first fireworks show.  No screaming, biting, kicking or looking away.  Tonight I was able to witness my little boy breaking through a huge fear!  We have come a long way baby.

C:  I have six words for you mom....O.M.G.!  That was AWESOME!!!!!!!!

No thanks, I have an assistant in Madagascar

The more you carpool the more you learn.

Talking about girls and boys again!

Me:  What's my rule boys?

Boys:  No dating till we can drive them ourselves or you and the claw get to go with us.

Me:  That's right!  So just tell those girls no.

Zach:  I have plenty of practice at that already mom!

Me:  Practice at what?

Zach:  Telling girls no.

Me:  WHAT???

Zach & Friend:  Oh all the girls at theater take turns asking us if we like one of their friends.

Friend:  Zach just looks at them and says "No".

Me:  Really?

Friend:  Yeah then they ask me if I like them.


Zach:  Yeah and then some kid tried to get Corbin to like a girl.

Me:  WHAT!?!??!?!

Zach:  Don't worry mom. Corbin told them "No thanks.  I already have an assistant in Madagascar."

Me:  Really??

Zach:  Yeah and when they asked me if we had been to Madagascar I told them yes!


I never thought that his repeating of movies would come in handy!  

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Because I was a teenager once.

I had the privilege of picking children up from their Jr. High youth group party thing.  I always learn so much in our short little car rides and from observing the children who think they are not being watched.....Hee Hee, so I was able to observe one of our dear 12 year old friends hugging a girl goodbye on his way out and not really wanting to leave said activity.  Me being who I am, I could not hold myself back from teasing this poor child and again giving him the dating rules.  First we start with the teasing and questions.  The one that set me off on a laughing spell was from Zach to his friend.

Z:  Do you still have her phone number?

F:  No, she had to get a new phone. (Me giggling, wow this crap starts early, other child sitting next to me starts giggling, wait how does he know why I'm giggling? I look at him...)

F2:   Yeah she changed her number because of you.

F:  No, too many boys had her number.

Me:  What?  Why.....

Zach:  Some guy gave her number out to a bunch of other guys, she's actually a nice girl mom.(Okay he knows me a little too well....Must be the comments I make about dating hoochy mamas coming through!)

Then the rules.

Boys you know you cannot start dating until you can drive you and your date.

F:  Why you could drive them.

Bwa Ha Ha!  Sure, I will drive them, and then me and the claw are going to stay there and sit with you guys.

Zach:  She did it to our friends sister.  She's not joking.

F:  What about group dates.

Ha!  I get to go on those too.

F:  Why?

Because I was a teenager once.

Monday, September 30, 2013

Thursdays are going to be my favorite days of the week....Or the day I rock in the corner.

Our Thursdays are packed to the gills this year.  We go from kickboxing, karate, more karate, to Spanish for one child, co-op for the other two, then woo hoo we get to go back to karate.  Thankfully I have help with the last karate of the day.  Why then would I venture to say that Thursdays are going to be my favorite day of the week instead of Thursdays being the day that I'm going to go rock in a corner when I return to my home late at night?  Day one of co-op.  That is why.

We were at our friends house working on all the stuff we need to have done for the little ones teacher, we were working on following directions and putting the right shapes and this case animals on the right shelf so they all would fit.

Friend:  We will put the pets on the right line, so for example if you put the pet dragon in the in the middle you won't have room for the other pets. (Mind you the dragon was not one of the animals they had to choose from it was a fictional dragon.)

Corbin"  HELLO!  Dragons are dangerous!  They don't belong in a pet store!

Friend:  Right no dragons lets just move with the pets we do have then.  (We are dying laughing at this point.)

We have most of the big kids at the house, they are working on doing their own school work but keep coming into the school area with the little kids.  Apparently my friends youngest daughter got sick of her older sister coming into our area:

FD:  No big kids allowed!  This is just for us!  Get out of here! (Think she has older siblings?)

The final piece that made me almost die:

Okay guys what do fish eat?

Adam:  Seaweed and Mac and Cheese.


Adam:  Well they eat Mac and Cheese in Vermont!  (While on their trip to Vermont with their father apparently Mac and Cheese was available in large quantities and that is what they went fishing with.)

Yeah, Thursdays, they are going to be very interesting.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Our Semi-Annual Dental Appointment.....Barnacles

Ah my Corbin and his nemesis, the dentist.  The dentist lays him back and it begins.

Dentist:  Corbin, we need to have you brush a little better here, see there are barnacles.

Corbin:  Where?

Dentist: Showing him some scrapings from his teeth.  See we need I need to scrape more of these barnacles off your teeth.

Corbin:  This should be interesting.

I will say we have the best dentist ever.  Corbin made it through his whole appointment in the main room and not in the quiet room and thanks to the ACT mouthwash we have no cavities!!!!!!  Sometimes its the little things that make life good.

Boys, cups, masks....That is all.

Last week I sent Diego with Zachary to buy his first athletic cup.  I assumed that he didn't want to take his mother who has no filter and brothers to make this purchase.  Corbin and Adam were unaware of what this new appliance was for.  Today at karate with his instructor watching Corbin took the cup and put it small end up and started to use the cup as a mask:

Me:  Corbin!  No!!!!!!

Corbin:  Why?

Me:  You can not use your brothers cup as a mask! (Corbin just looked confused.) Your brother uses that for his private parts.

His instructor and I were trying not to cry as I'm trying to tell Corbin why he can't use the cup as a mask.   Around us stood my friends who were completely unaware of what had just occurred which just sent the two of us into hysterics further.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

I'm not going back under there. I think there might be critters....

Today we are cleaning, prepping, and fixing broken drawers and beds.  Diego went into the boys room to look at the drawer they broke.  He picks the drawer up and leaves the room.

D: I'm going to fix this in the other room.

Me:  Okay.

D:  I don't want to go back under that bed.  I think there are living creatures under that bed.

Me:  Nah.  Its all good they are just dust bunnies.

D:  Mumhum.  I think I saw one move. Have fun with that.

In my mind I'm thinking, oh honey you just haven't been around children long enough.  It was gross but I'm pretty sure my old Suburban was worse, at least there wasn't old food under there.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Why I have not posted this week....Until now.

I have spent the last 8 days without my babies.  For some I know this is a welcomed occurrence. For me, it was kind of like someone pulled a great big chuck out of my side and said, "you'll live." All I wanted to say back was something I won't post here.

I have lived, according to one source not as calmly as I would like to have thought I was but I have lived. What's a girl to do when she has no small people to yell at her to make breakfast, do laundry, clean up after and educate?  Well, not blog.  I have helped paint, clean, done laundry, watched as  Diego put grass seed and manure all over the backyard, and work. Until today I really didn't have any blog fodder nor did I really have a sense of humor.

Really, I'm not going to blog about helping pull out the tree in the backyard and landing on my backside while Diego laughed at me.

Or about laughing at my dearest friend and her upcoming move to the beach....She hates sand.  Its still funny.

Tonight I was supposed to be holding my little monsters, yelling at them to pick up their stuff, and watching them play video games (they have been in a "electronic free" zone for the last 7 days).  Unfortunately their flight was delayed and due to some stellar flight people and the misconception that they would take care of the problem, they were forgotten about until all the flights out of where they are were booked.  For me that means one more night without children.  For the kids one more night at the lake with their dad.  Corbin is a little anxious to be home but as I lived so will he. For me this also means we got to go out to an adult dinner.

What a lovely dinner, my mom, grandmother, dear friend, and Diego. My grandmother decided that tonight it was Diego's turn to be harassed.  When she found that you cannot tease someone who will give it back as good as they get she brought up a song she and my grandfather used to sing and sang it for us.    

Princess Pupule has plenty papayas
She loves to give them away
And all of the neighbors they say
Oh me-ya oh my-ya you really should try-ya
A little piece of the Princess Pupule's papayas
Zazza zazza zazza zazza zay

Princess Pupule's not truly unruly
To pass out papayas each day
But all of the neighbors they say
She may give you the fruit but she hang on to the root
And so she has the fruit and the root to boot
Zazza zazza zazza zazza zay

(alternate lyric after 'they say':
The sample is ample, and so is the source
She'll break her an acre and grow more of course)

One bright Sunday afternoon
It was field day in her papaya groves
But I reached the gate an hour too late
The customers were lined up in droves

So let this be a warning
Go early in the morning
And it is true you'll never rue the day
The Princess Pupule has plenty papayas
She loves to give it away
I mean papayas
She loves to give them away

Never a dull moment around here. Even without kids. 

Monday, August 26, 2013

Okay....Wait a minute child you aren't supposed to like girls.....

Who would have thought that it wouldn't be the oldest child to start liking girls first.  Not me.  I thought for sure I would be fighting the girls off of him by now.  Nope.  He doesn't give them his phone number unless I know their parents and he isn't interested in dating at all.  (That may have something to do with a small threat by his mother to attend ever date he goes on until he can safely drive himself and his date places.  Oh and the claw will be in attendance as well.)

Tonight we went to our annual ice cream social, not back to school party.  Zach was playing in the water feature with his friends, Adam was playing with his friends, then I spot Corbin.

Corbin is playing with a little girl who looks to be about 2 or 3 years younger than he is.  Not only is he playing with her but they are having a full blown conversation. Then it happens.

They approach her mother and introduce him to her.  Then they come see me. Corbin with his arm around her while he introduces her.

Corbin:  Mom, this is my friend.

Little Girl: I'm Bella.  May I ask your name?

Me:  It's very nice to meet you! (Wow!  Now that's a polite child!)

Then she sticks her hand out to shake mine.

Then they run off holding hands...What in the world!

I don't know if this is cute and awesome that he has a friend or disturbing.  How is it the 9 year old has developed a crush before the 12 year old!  What in the world!

Monday, August 19, 2013

Why do I take them to the movies?

We went to see the new Percy Jackson movie with a group of our friends and my mother.  Towards the end of the movie one of the characters appears to be dead.  From behind me I hear Adam.

"She's dead. Grandmother, she's dead.  I can tell."  This said with total nonchalance, like he sees dead bodies on a daily basis.

My friend leans over and says, "Yeah, he's yours."  Shut up!

Then there is Corbin.  He didn't want to go to the movie and let us know often that he wanted to go home. He spent most of the movie in my friends lap with ear plugs and a blanket wrapped around him.  Tonight he says,

"I want to go see Percy Jackson again!" 


"Yeah!  It was awesome!"

Sigh, well maybe this time he will actually watch the movie. 

Friday, August 16, 2013

We have come a long way baby.

From the time Zach was 3 almost 4 he has been involved in theater.  Which means that the little boys have grown up in Theater Arts Academy.  The theater has seen all the boys grow and change over the years.  Tonight was another fun show, and for this mom an hour of amazement, relief, and wonder. 

Zach, well Zach did a great job as always. He was a little reluctant to do theater this time, I think the preteen crap has kicked in, but he decided to go ahead and join the cast so he could help Corbin in his first youth cast.  I am so proud to be his mother, and as far as preteens go he is an amazing young man and I am well aware he could be so much worse....He could be me, God bless my mother for enduring me and not dropping me off the Bay Bridge.

Corbin was three months old when he attended his first show.  Over the years we have all endured him screaming in the theater due to his fear of the dark as a toddler and all his other issues that have occurred.  Tonight.  Tonight was the final show of his very first youth cast.  For those who don't know this means he graduated from sitting with me, going on stage singing a song and then coming back to me to sit through the show, to actually being with the main cast and having many lines.  Jennifer and the whole staff at Theater Arts Academy are amazing with their patience and perseverance.   Corbin put on a show tonight.  He danced all the dances and I don't think he missed a line and he was in character the whole time, though I think maybe they made his character just for him.  At the end of the show they gave Corbin a certificate to show he had moved from little ones to youth cast.  My little boy, in front of an entire audience, did a huge fist pump and yelled "YES!" 

Adam.  With his speech delay he has been very reluctant to speak in front of people.  He gets tired of us all saying "What?  What did you say?"  He did such a great job singing his song and following the choreography.  Thanks to my dear friend Kathryn and everyone else who has helped us along the way with his speech he has come a long way. 

All the kids did a great job tonight and I am so grateful to all the teachers, therapists, friends and family that have helped us over the years to get us to this point.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

After Dinner Conversation

While cleaning up after dessert tonight I found that Adams chair was covered in angel food cake.

Me:  Wow kid you are messy!

Adam:  Yeah.  So What.  (With the teenager attitude.)

Diego:  Keep talking like that and you are going to learn how clean the floor again.

Me:  Yeah, you and that smart mouth of yours.

Adam:  I don't know why my mouth did that.

At this point we are trying not to laugh so we both turn around and start doing the dishes laughing internally.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Getting Frisked

Watching children play in the backyard at our friends house is so much fun.  From watching the 4-9 year olds trying to tie water balloons, playing with dead fish, and the good old fashioned frisking.  That's right I said frisking (want to know about the dead fish read the prior post Seasoned Mom for details.)

Friend: Aww they are holding hands.  Should we start to worry?

Me:  Naw.  Adam is already spoken for I think we are good.  (giggle) 

Friend:  What is she doing to him now?

Me:  I don't know.  It looks like she is feeling him up or patting him down.

Friend yelling at the kids:  What are you doing?!

Frisker: Looking for something.

Me:  I hope he hasn't stuck the dead fish in his pocket.

Friend:  I don't think so.....Better check later just in case....(kid interrupts her by yelling)

                       Mom!  He squished the fish on the skate board!

Me:  Well that solves the fish problem, again.  But what is she after?

When we got home, our friend followed us, not in a stalker kind of way but to get some peaches from our backyard, we asked Adam.

Me:  Why was she frisking you?

Adam:  She thought I took the 4 year olds survival knife and put it in my pocket.

Me:  Did you?

Adam: (Smiling)  Nope!  He was using it to kill spiders.


The Seasoned Mom

Sitting at my friends kitchen table talking about our up coming school year and all the things we have been doing over the summer.  She was just telling me Sunday they went and caught fish at a near by pond.  The fish were put in a tank in their classroom and seemed to be doing a really good job of staying alive. As we are discussing the fish all the children go to the classroom to investigate said fish and all the wonders that are in the classroom.  Most of them emerge a short time later to go play outside as us moms just hang out and chat.  I say most because one child emerges from a back room much later than the rest with his hand in his pocket. 

Mom to the four year old:  What's in your pocket baby?

4yo:  Nothing.

Mom:  Let me see.

4yo:  Nothing.

Mom:  Did you put a fish in your pocket? (without cracking a smile, or yelling that is not okay.)

4yo:  Pulls his hand sheepishly from his pocket with the dead fish tucked inside his hot little hand.

Mom:  Okay, thanks for showing me.

The 4 year old goes outside.  The next thing we see him do?  Start to get a plastic pocket knife and open the fish up for dissection.  At this point I am on the floor laughing.  It takes a seasoned mom to just let the 4 year old go about their business. 

Me:  So, I hope he doesn't stick it back in his pocket to save for later or you are going to be picking fish guts out of the laundry.

Mom:  Yuck!  I didn't think about that!  Wait look he is adding it to my garden as compost.  I'm good.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

A text I never thought I would receive....I almost shot my drink out of my nose.

One of my dear friends sent me a text last night that had me laughing so hard I couldn't even relay the message to Diego. I had to give him my phone so he could read it. I'm pretty sure when he looks at me shakes his head and goes in the other room he is really laughing with me in his own way. At least that's what I'm going to keep telling myself.
This is what I received :
Tell me, what do you do when someone floats a shark when you're playing in the tub?  Scream?  Get out with extreme urgency?  Quickly push it away? 
(Since the text came in pieces at this point I'm trying to figure out what "floating a shark" is.)
Why no!  You rub it all over yourself!  And the tub and whatever other toys you can reach.  Why I found some on the lips ... I'm trying not to imagine. *creepy chills*
Me: (Oh my!  I think I figured it out now! ) You have got to be kidding me!
Me:  That my friend is just nasty. I will keep the names of the innocent out but I am so blogging this, never thought you would have to say or clean that up. 
I am very grateful that to date I have not yet had to say to my children "do not play with sharks in the bathtub."

Friday, July 26, 2013

Day 5!!!! It is almost over!!!! Just the performance left!

Today was the 5th and final day of camp before the show on Sunday!   My hair color of the day?  Rainbow.  The claw did attend our final day. (Pictures to come sometime in the near future.) It always amazes me what can be pulled together on the final day.  When everything is said and done the kids always make the performance work. They are going to be fantastic! 

Funny but after day 3 I am now used to getting up and moving at 7 and so are the kids.  What oh what will we do with this extra hour we have discovered?  I know!  Try to un-discover it!  Probably won't happen quickly.  Oh well, more time for cleaning and school work.  Now time for a nap....

Day 4..Pedicures, Shopping, and Good Friends.

Day 4 of M and D camp.  Only two more days to go.  Today I got my sense of humor back.  Its not as bad getting up at 7 am today and of course it is always better to have a sense of humor.  Especially when working with kids. 

Today was especially nice when I went home to find my BFF ready to go get a pedicure and shop for silly things that make us happy.  We don't buy much but when we do we usually laugh.  Today was 5.00 Alligator necklaces.  They seem to match our claws as they are missing two of their legs!  Tomorrow is the last day of camp!  I might need an extra shot of caffeine tomorrow.  :-) 

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Day 3....You would think getting up would be easier

7:00am is just not my friend.  Though I have to say that at the end of today I was much less exhausted.  I still am not sure I would have enough energy to do this everyday.  God bless those who do.  Hey by trial and error over the last three days we have learned not to put table cloths out until the little ones are done, that some kids respond better to loud and direct people than others, and that if Corbin has the right shoes we have much less flip out sessions!   Oh, and Adam listens to everything and will one day be as formidable as his brother in parroting everything I say, as soon as he starts being intelligible with his speech all the time.

On our way taking the 5 helpers and 2 campers home the conversation turned to our awesome new Junior High director and zombies. (By no way are they connected.)  The zombie game became very detailed in the descriptions(the Junior High guy not so much, just that he was awesome):

The first child says, and the Zombies ate their heads off and there was so much blood!

Adam:  Excuse me guys!


Adam:  Little kids in the car.

LOL!  You are right!  Sorry Adam!

I love that boy!  I didn't even have to scold the big kids for talking about inappropriate stuff in front of the little boys.  Adam did it for me!

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Day 2 of camp is always fun.....Not.

We do not do mornings.  7 am comes too fast and for those of us who are night owls well, 7 am is kind of not something we like to see, God forbid 6am, there really shouldn't be such a time.  Music and Drama camp comes but once a year so once a year I see 7 am everyday as do my children.  Can I say that some of us adapt well to this occurrence and well some do not.  Corbin and I do not.  The others in the house function beautifully.  (sickos)

This morning before camp, I was screamed at, lost my temper, and really wanted to go back to bed before we even arrived at camp.  During the day we had great kids and then what I will call the gremlins.  They look so cute and innocent but then you turn around and they have shredded an entire table cloth.  Yes, I am talking about the K-2 kids.  They were our last group of the day and I was so grateful that the day was over but no.  Corbin decided to have a complete meltdown and made me carry him out of the church. Which I am sure entertained more than one person to see me carrying a 60lb child like a baby, his butt almost dragging on the ground.  Tomorrow I will be bringing him his own lunch so he can't complain that he didn't get a jelly sandwich or any other type of food he can possibly complain about.  Hopefully tomorrow will bring more humor to the situation and less me wanting to run away and rock in the corner.  Hey at least I didn't come home and go straight to bed.  (No, I helped clean the pool, maybe that will make the little monsters sleep tonight. NO you can't get out of the pool yet swim some more!)

Monday, July 22, 2013

The return of Music and Drama Camp.....I did it again?

Day one of music and drama camp.  Every year I say I'm not going to do it again and every year I change my mind.  I forget the exhaustion that hits at the end of the first day.  I don't think I was ever made for a 9 to 5 job.  I would need a nap at the end.  God bless all those teachers out there who get up every morning to deal with children who are not their own. 

Nothing exciting happened today.  I was reminded of a prior incident that I have yet to blog but was requested that I do.

One of the gentlemen that attends our church is from Ethiopia, he is black.  Corbin was about 5 need I say more.  Apparently so.

Corbin walked up to our friend and looked at his arm.  Then he picked his own arm up and looked at it, put his arm next to our friends.  Put his arm down and his hand on our friends and started rubbing.

C:  I think your kinda dirty.

F:  No I was born that way.

C:  You were born dirty? (Fortunately our friend has a sense of humor and laughed, and knows Corbin means nothing by the comment.)

F:  No that's just how my skin is.

C:  Hummm.. It looks like chocolate.  (And proceeded to try and lick him.)

God bless them both.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Another thing to remember.....Say nothing you don't want repeated in front of the number 2 son.

We were at karate this morning and as moms we discuss some concerns for husbands jobs, family, and general life concerns.  One of my friends husbands walked in and apparently when he lost his job we had discussed this in front of Corbin.  Since then thankfully he has been working but Corbin, sigh is Corbin:
C:  Hey Mr. did you get a job yet? (me mortified, hanging my head in embarrassment.  Sorry!)

F:  I always have work.

C:  That's good.

Note to self:  DO NOT DISCUSS ANYTHING that you do not want repeated in front of Corbin.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Peeling Patterns

While working out this morning I had the most interesting conversation and learned so much about many people.

Me:  I think the glue remover is actually working well.  Though it is very labor intensive.

Instructor 1:  Actually, I think Corbin has done a better job than anything else we have tried.

Me:  Really?  That's funny.

Instructor 2:  Yeah he has done a good job.  You know the benches we just painted are getting peeled too.

Me:  (Crap!)  I'm sorry.  I thought we had him stuck on the glue (hee hee, stupid pun). 

Instructor 2:  Oh, its not Corbin.

Me:  Really?  How do you know?

Instructor 2:  Zach checked the peeling patterns.

Me:  Really? (What in the world does that mean?)

Instructor 2:  Yeah, really.  Corbin has a pattern in his peeling.  He doesn't just scrape or scratch certain areas.  He works one area at a time till all the glue is gone and then he moves to another area.

Me:  Okay.  I'm not sure which I am more disturbed by, the fact that Corbin peels things in patterns or that not only does Zach know these patterns but you guys know them. 

Instructor 2:  You should be disturbed by both.

Me:  Yeah.  Both.  You just became blog fodder.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Never Underestimate Corbin

For everyone who thinks that my sweet quirky Corbin is only that let me inform you of his most recent activities. 

Zachary comes home from theater yesterday:

Me:  So how was theater?

Zach:  Good, except Corbin stole my script.

Me:  What?

Zach:  Yeah, he stole my script.  I couldn't find if for like 5 minutes.

Me:  Did your instructor see him?  Did he get in trouble?

Zach:  No, he waited for her to leave the room and took it when I was talking to my friend.

Me:  Did he get caught?

Zach: No.  It magically reappeared just at the right moment.

Snicker.  Well, at least he knows not to get caught. 

Thursday, June 27, 2013

You make the best hot dogs! Oh and you too mommy.

While debating what to have for dinner tonight, since it was just me, my guy, and Adam the conversation went something like this.

Me:  So what do you want for dinner?

Adam:  Hot dogs. Diego, you make the best hot dogs ever.

Me:  Okay so hot dogs.  Made by Diego.

Adam, as he snuggles up close to me and says, "Mommy you make the best hot dogs too."

Me:  Are you just saying that to make mommy feel better.

Adam:  Yeah.

Gotta love the 5 year old's honesty.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

5 year old sleepover debates.

We are finally starting to feel better around here.  I am off quarantine (I got pink eye too. Blah, curse small children going to my side of the bed and rubbing their faces on my pillow!) We celebrated being close to over all this illness by having an impromptu dinner with friends.  Now what started out with me leaving one child and only bringing two home with me ended up with me leaving one taking five home with me.  Fortunately these guys get along most of the time and are excellent listeners.  (And they all have a healthy fear of me. :-))  The conversation in the bathroom before bed had me laughing so hard I started coughing and almost needed my inhaler to stop.

The two 5 year olds were having the great tooth paste and dental floss debate.

Child 1: Adam do you like minty toothpaste?

Adam:  Yes.  It really is my favorite.

1:  This toothpaste is too minty.

A:  I like it.  My dental floss is minty too.

1: Can I use this dental floss?

A:  Yes but its minty.

1:  I like minty.  But not Pepperoni.  Pepperoni is too minty.

I almost fell on the floor.  This conversation sounded like two big kids or adults with the intonations they were using.  It sounded as if they were having a conversation about global warming with their tones.  5 going on 30 with a twist of where in the world did pepperoni come from?

Friday, June 21, 2013

The reason my circut breaker blew up.

It is a blog kind of week.  Let us do the totals and then wonder if I will still be sane come Monday.

1. Two weeks ago Adam and I started coughing.  We are still coughing and now so are my mother, Zachary and Corbin. 

2.  Monday night Adam developed pink eye....I went to the all night pharmacy got home at 11:30 to a no longer screaming child but a sleeping child, there was a wasted trip.  On the bright side he was able to start medication in the morning.

3.  Left my mom with the kids so I could have a time out and get my breaks redone (apparently the company I bought the car from didn't really redo the roters they just warped the brand new break pads so that I would be able to drive it for 30 days before the warranty wore out and then they would return to shaking every time you pressed them) and the other two came down with Pink Eye and fevers.  Sorry Mom!

4.  Wednesday I was home thinking okay this isn't so bad.  The coughs aren't any better but they will get better (not!) and the eyes have been treated for 24 hours so off to theater.  When we got home Corbin promptly went in the bathroom to puke.  Well, my apologies everyone at theater who may or may not come down with that illness.  But really who knew we would get that lovely symptom too.  (I believe it was just from coughing too much or maybe it was the turkey sandwich that seemed like it wasn't very good.  I can only hope!)

5.  Thursday off to the doctor.  Zach and Adam woke up in the middle of the night crying with ears that were hurting.  Got to love Kaiser, two separate Dr's. at the same time.  So we had to again bring my poor mother and leave one child with my guy here at the house.  Sigh. (thank god for family and friends who would burry bodies with you if you asked.)  Two, slight ear issues but really neither Dr. thought it bad enough to do any thing about except Adam who had been sick for so long.  Antibiotics for him and mom convinced the other Dr. to give Zach some too.

         a.  Zachary did not take his pills.
         b.  Adam did.  Adam was covered in hives right after the second dose of medicine, the first one
              that morning was mostly on the floor and down his shirt.  (He didn't like that flavor!)

6.  Today is Friday......Woke up to a child who had hives develop even though I had given him benadryl just 6 hours earlier.  (had to get up every 4 to 6 hours during the night to give him medicine.)  I think I might be a little rummy today. 

Which is why I blew the circuit to our television side of the house by allowing 2 boys to use two vacuums at the same time so they wouldn't fight over sucking up the dirt around the house.  It is also why I had to yell at them to stop sucking each other up with the vacuum.  Totally my own fault. 

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Dinner out.....

The other night we went out to dinner to On The Boarder.  When we walked into the restaurant Corbin looked up at me and said:

C:  Mom.

Me:  Yes Corbin.

C:  This place is pretty Mexican.

Me:  Well that is what kind of food we are eating.

C:  I think I'll have a cheese burger.

Okay then.  Never a dull moment with that one around.

Kendama's. Whose bright idea was this?

Let me begin by saying I do not understand the newest fad that has swept our area. The Kendama. Its a ball and a stick.  You put the ball on the stick or in the cups.  Like every sport that man has created it has some undertones that are slightly disturbing if you are of the mind to think that way....(No comment about my own thoughts as this blog is read by children and adults. Just know I have many many comments I have to filter closely, which for me is not always easy.)

I knew these things would be a problem as soon as my oldest got one.  I asked him how long it would be before the other boys would be asking for one too.  Apparently, not long.  Today I came home to all three boys with Kendama's.  My next question, and by now I should learn not to ask questions, was "Who will be injured first?"  It is a big wooden ball on a string that you throw in the air and try to catch.  Like Nun chucks when first used someone is gonna get hurt.  Adam had already hit himself in the eye with Zach's now I have 5 of these things in the house? 

Well, I was the one who was injured.  Of course as with any toy the boys do not use them as they are intended.  NO.  This one was being swung in circles around the living room as I happen to walk in and get smacked in the shin with the stupid thing!  Can I just say that hurt so bad, I think they heard my yelp in the next county.  Its a solid piece of wood I will give the makers that.  I now have a lovely bruise forming and will probably be icing my leg tonight.  Thank you to whoever thought of these lovely toys and to my Mother who bought one for each of the boys.  I would say I can't wait to see what happens next but really.  I can.

Saturday, June 15, 2013

When the lights are all off when I walk in the house and there are nerf guns, Duck.

This evening my favorite guy not related to me and I went to dinner with my Grandmother and my cousins.  We enjoyed an evening meal without having to tell any one not to lick, bite, or ask the waiter if they knew what a cuttlefish eats.   The kids got the benefit of having a couple of their older friends to come over and "babysit" them while we were at dinner. 

After dinner we came home.  I was under the impression that I was going to take one of the extra children home and then we were going to watch "Here Comes the Boom". 
As I enter my home I find that almost every light in the house is off.  Corbin is in his room with the door shut, light on and playing light brights making jelly fish he tells me and then informs me that he loves me but "you can go now mom."  Now here is when I notice that not only are the lights out, there is the unmistakable clicking sound of nerf guns and hysterical laughter from all 4 parties who are running through my house shooting each other in the dark.  Stupid me I change my clothes and start to head out into the living room to grab my lap top when I hear:

Zach:  Mom!  Duck!  I almost hit you in the head!

Me:  Oh Holy Hello I'm outta here!

D: Good idea, go to the safe zone.  (This from the same man who yesterday had to tell the boys to not shoot guns in the car. Something I am sure he really never thought he would have to say. I never thought I would have to that's for sure.)

Here I sit.  In my safe room.  Waiting to be released.  Maybe I will take a nap.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013


It's SUMMER!!!!  Yippee!! All our friends are out of school and its time to have my house full of children once again.  This summer is a little different than most.  Pre-teens and teens in the house have added a new flavor to our normal discussions about bacon, mine craft, and YouTube.  Now there are girls and the sex ed discussions.  (God help me!!!!)  First day of having all the kids at the house the conversation went like this:

F1:  Ms. Flamik you will never guess what we learned about today!

Me:  Probably not love.  Why don'tcha just tell me.

F1:  We got to watch child birth in school.  And the whole class screamed when the doctor said wait...."It's Twins!"

Me:  So, what did you think of that?

F1:  I think you need to rent that movie and have Zach and I watch it together.

Me:  Interesting I guess I will have....(Zach screaming over my sentence NOOOOOO!!!!!)  look into that.  Now Zach tell me what you really think....Would you rather have your sex ed talks with your mom once a month or would you like to sit with your BFF's this summer and watch a video series.

Zach:  Are you kidding me?  I will take your talks any day over watching a video of birth and sex.

Me:  That's my boy.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

I Love You More Than Apple Pie!

Adam came in my room this morning to get his morning sugar. He is a huge cuddle bug. He's so sweet and cute then he looks at me and says:

A: I love you mom.

Me: I love you too.

A:  I love you more than Apple Pie!

Me: You don't like Apple pie.

A: Yeah!  That's why I love you more than that silly.

Me:  Do you love me more than pumpkin pie?

A: Hummmmmmm.......... Yeah I love you more than pumpkin pie too.

Me: Awww. Thanks love. (He actually likes Pumpkin pie and if he said no I would have tickled the little monster! )

Monday, May 13, 2013

Lunch date that wasn't supposed to happen...

I had an acupuncturist appointment today so my wonderful mother came to karate to watch the boys for me.  Halfway through my appointment I received a text message, then another, and another.  Then my phone rang.  I was covered in needles and moving wasn't really an option so I figured it could wait five minutes.  (When am I going to start listening to that little voice in my head that says "hey stupid!  Yeah you!  Something is wrong.)

When my appointment was over and I could again move without fear of impaling myself further I checked my messages they were all from my moms phone.

Um...Zach put the keys to your car in your purse.  We can't leave karate.

Hee hee

Not really.

My response:  Really or Not Really?

Then I get the phone message,

Mom:  Ariana, your son put YOUR keys in YOUR purse not mine.  We are stuck at karate and the kids have no shoes so I can't even take them to Taco Bell.

Oh goodie.  Now I get to rush from my doctors office to rescue them. Had I not had to rescue them we would not have been at Chick-Fil-A and the following would not have occurred:

Corbin was swatting himself.  We couldn't figure out why he was hitting himself with his book.....Then I looked at the book.  It was a comic book about a cow named......"Swatter."  Corbin took that a little too literally. 

Then a friend from church walked in, said hello to everyone and my dear sweet child looked up at him and said:

"Hey, Do you exist?"

Our friend was a little taken aback.  He looked at me for an explanation.  I looked back like good luck with that one buddy, I can't explain or help you at this point.  I can't believe he asked the question.

So our friend answered:

"I think so.  I'm here right."

C:  Yeah. 

In the same sitting we then had the following conversation:

C:  Grandmother what happened to your dad?

Mom:  He died honey.

C:  What happened to your husband grandmother?

Mom and Me:  He died.

C:  What happened to your ex-husband.....
before he could ask my mom again what happened to her husband I answer:
He Died right when he says "Mom." 

I could have died at that moment. 

C:  No he didn't!

Me:  Your right he didn't I thought you were going to ask grandmother again!  Sorry!

We all laughed so hard and then with those sweet blue eyes Corbin looks at me and says.
"Why are we laughing?"  Which sent the rest of us right back into the laughing fit.

Conversations with a 12 year old.

Sitting in the orthodontist office this morning with Zach we had a very amusing conversation about all his friends starting to get girlfriends:
Me: So... do you like someone?
Z: Uh No. (With a look of disbelief)
Me: Would you tell me?
Z: Yeah.
Me:  Really?
Z: Yes mom. I would tell you.
Me: I promise not to make fun of you.
Z:  No you don't.
Me: Okay I won't tease you in front of your friends.
Z:  Yeah sure you won't mom. (Did I hear sarcasm in that tone?  Yes. Yes I did.)
Me:  You would still tell me?
Z:  Yeah. Better I tell you than you find out. You always find out anyway. 
Hee hee. 

Friday, April 26, 2013

Other things that happened while I was doing that four letter word....WORK

Many things happened towards the end of tax season that I was unable to blog but at least I had my sense of humor still intact when the following happened:

Corbin wandered in from playing outside, looking a little disheveled and had really wide eyes.

Corbin: Mom, I just at a poisonous ant.  Just thought you should know.

Me:  What?  (As I am goggling to see if there are poisonous ants in California, and texting all my friends to see if they knew anything about poisonous ants. Fortunately, I am happy to report, there are no poisonous ants in California.)

Corbin: I just ate a poisonous ant.

Me:  Why do you say that?

Corbin:  Because when I ate it, it was really sour and yucky.

Me:  Then what did you do?

Corbin:  I spit it like this, he proceeded to spit and spit on my floor as I sit there in stunned silence.

Me: Stop spitting.

Corbin:  I was just showing you.

Me:  Okay, why did you eat the ant?

Corbin: Because it was poisonous.

Me:  No really why?

Corbin: Well, I wanted to know what they would taste like.

Me:  Were they delicious?

Corbin:  Mom, I already told you they were poisonous, disgusting and sour.

Me:  So they didn't taste good then?

Corbin:  Uh no mom. 

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Random Text Messages I have received over the weekend.

The boys were at their weekly visit to their dads and I received the following message:

Scene: little and middle fighting over a pillow.

Dad: It has been an hour now. Sit still and go to bed!  Why must I have to say it a hundred times? Do you have to be in trouble and loose things?

Corbin: No.

Dad: (agitated) Then just listen!  Period!

Corbin: (calmly) That's an exclamation point.

I love that boy and he has been listening to the grammar lessons I have been giving....Who knew!

Monday, April 22, 2013

We voted that you get to teach sarcasm.

My friend came over the other night to visit.  We were just catching up on each others lives since we live in close proximity and never seem to see each other. She had just asked me how homeschooling was going when my oldest monster walked into the room flopped himself on the couch and started to join our conversation.

Me:  Good, we love doing our co-op every week and next year Corbin gets to go to the big kid house.

Friend:  That's great what are they going to learn there?

Me:  Well I think they are splitting the classes so some are doing Spanish, Shakespeare, and art, others are doing Reading, writing, and something else.  I can't remember.

Zach: Logic.

Me:  Really?  Who is teaching that?

Zach: We don't know yet we just all voted for logic and sarcasm.  We thought you could teach that one.

Me: Logic or Sarcasm?

Zach:  Well both but mostly sarcasm.

I look to my friend for reassurance.

Friend:  Well they do have a point.


Friday, April 19, 2013

Sometimes I have to post others stories.

I received a text from one of my very dear friends who will remain anonymous for this tale.  The text almost made me spit my coffee out even though she warned me not to be drinking coffee.  Here is what I received:

Friend:  You'll appreciate this.  Sit down but don't be drinking anything least you risk shooting it out your nose and across the room.

First thing I heard when I got home last night, from the oldest child:

"Child #2 was sent to bed because she tried to put a princess in her butt. <pause> I feel bad for poor Tiana," (I can only imagine at this point that is the name of the princess that was going to have a wild ride. Hey I don't have girls give me a break.)

Friend:  Apparently, my husband just happened to be walking by the bathroom while child 2 and 3 were bathing and overheard a discussion along these lines.  He hovered near by to see if it would just pass but had to intervene when #2 (no pun intended) leaned over, Tiana in hand, and aimed Tiana on what would have been a dark, dark adventure, yes, up #2's butt. Thank God for my husband! That would have been a doozy for the ER and social workers.

When asked why, she could only say "because" and , frankly, I believe that our overly creative child really meant it.  Just wanted to see what would happen.

Me:  ROFLOL That is too much! I'm just glad that child didn't give Corbin that idea......I can't even contemplate that one.  Yikes!!!!

Friday, April 12, 2013

Another Non Post

Adam just ran into my office:

Adam:  Mom!  What do you call a chicken who crossed the road?

Me:  I don't know. 

Adam:  Dead!

Me:  Really?

Adam:  Yeah he didn't look both ways!  (hysterical laughter from him as he leaves the room.) 

And that is my between client break for the day. 

Monday, April 8, 2013

This really isn't a post, it is a temporary break from insanity.

Tax season is in full swing. I have less than 7 days left!  Of course today is the day I have to get sick.  Whatever!  I hate getting sick!  I am taking a short break to clear my head of all the cold fog and spend some time with my boys.

Tax Season means the boys have a two week break, we will call it an extended spring break or early summer break, from school.  Even thought they are on break I have learned that my children are never not learning.  My oldest child came to complain to me today about another child on his Mine Craft Server not being able to spell, making it difficult for the kids to understand what the child wants.

Me:  You let Adam on the server.  He's 5.

Zach:  Yeah but Adam can spell.

Me:  What?  He can't read yet.

Zach:  Uh mom yes he can. 

Me:  Huh.

Zach:  He can read and the only things he writes on the server are "Hi" and "No".

Me:  He can spell?

Zach:  Yeah, simple words. 

Me:  And he can read?

Adam:  Yes mom!  They ask me for Diamonds, I tell them NO!

Lesson of the day....My 5 year old can read.  Who knew.  Not me.  Guess all that reading to the kids really has paid off.  Now back to my regularly scheduled activates.

Monday, March 25, 2013

My Little Pony VS. Hello Kitty....

This afternoon was very quiet.  Two of the three boys went fishing with their dad.  Zach declined fishing for the opportunity of having some time with friends. (What teenager or preteen wants to hang with their parents anyway right?)  I did drag him to lunch with me and made him spend some quality time with me.  I found that my child that now refers to me as the ring leader of the "crazy club". (It started out as the psycho club but we had to discuss the meaning of psycho and he decided I was just crazy not psycho.)  Only the cool moms are in "club crazy".  Or that's what he told me to pacify my for calling me psycho and so that I would still pick up his friend.

The silence in the house was interrupted by screeches and screaming from two teenage boys.  I left my office to investigate and as I enter the living room I see on the TV, Hello Kitty and My Little Pony ripping each other apart. 

Is that really My Little Pony and Hello Kitty?

Boys:  Yeah isn't that cool!  They are ripping each others arms off.


Boy:  Yeah this game is really popular now.

Is that due to the immense Bronie and Pony population that seems to be forming.

Boys:  Yes, yes it is.

Seriously, those people are disturbed. 

Boy:  Zach ripped my arms and legs off and now we can't even fight anymore!  That's just awesome.

I'm going back to my office.  You two are scaring me.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

At the dentist there is never a dull moment.

Over the years I have posted many things to face book and even recently to my blog.  The dentist is a major source of anxiety.  Not just my anxiety but Corbin's and the whole dental staff's.  The last few visits to the dentist have been anticlimactic.  Thank God!  No screaming till the dentist has to put in ear plugs and we leave the office in a sopping sweaty mess (no joke he would be drenched in sweat every time we left.) 

Today we went to have another tooth crowned for Mr. C.  Poor guy just can't catch a break.  As we are waiting for the tooth bugs to go to sleep the Assistant asked Corbin what he would like to watch on TV and started flipping through the channels.  When she gets to the Golf Channel, my child says there!  I want to watch golf.  The woman looks at me for clarification and I just shook my head, I don't know what he's doing.  She asked him if he really wanted to watch golf.

C:  Yeah, I watch golf all the time with my mom and my friend.

Really?  Then who's that guy on the screen?

C:  Oh him, that's Tiger Woods, he's the best golfer ever.

The assistant looked at me and I was just trying not to laugh.  Who knew he was actually watching the golf channel.  Yes its on in the house on occasion but I never thought he was paying attention to it let alone learning the names of the players and their rankings.  Some days that boy scares me. Guess I'm glad its the Golf Channel we are watching and not CSI, or something worse that would stick in that little guys brain. 

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Castle Crashers....Worse content than Mine Craft

School work goes so much faster when my children are bribed with some sort of time on the Xbox.  This morning we have finished school and the boys have discovered a new game, Castle Crashers.  I have heard all sorts of comments from the boys while playing Mine Craft including:

Eat the zombie flesh.

Stop killing me.

That's what you get for killing too many pigs.

This morning I had new are you kidding me thoughts as I watched them play Castle Crashers.

Me:  Is that cat throwing up hair balls at you guys?

Zach: Yup!  There is bat that poops on us too.

Oh goodie.  This game is the perfect game for little kids into potty humor.

Me: Are you guys fighting over the princess?

Zach: Yeah, see we have to battle all together and then we have to fight each other to get the prize. Then unfortunately you have to kiss the prize.  That's so nasty.

Me: Okay so let me get this straight, after you have been pooped on, and puked on you get to fight for the princess to kiss you. 


I'm sorry that's just wrong.  On so many levels can I go to the wrongness of this game. But to hear all the boys playing the same game together laughing....Priceless. But still wrong. 

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Nutritional Dinner?

The other day I was working with a friend and client on her taxes.  It was taking a little longer than usual, mostly because she is my friend and there is lots of catch up talking to be done.  The kids were getting hungry and restless and we weren't done.  This is the point where my friend issues the cooking challenge to her oldest son and mine.

"Boys create a nutritional dinner for the family.  You can only use stuff in the house and you have to make it a balanced meal.  This is your challenge."

Adam looks up at her and says "No doughnuts then, huh."

"No, no doughnuts."

That kid kills me, at 5 he knows that doughnuts are not health food. One point for me! Though I have just been informed by my oldest child that I don't get points for nutritional stuff....Only killing things.  SO that means I get extra points for killing all the sea monkeys that hatched and then promptly died.  Wooo Hooo!  I think I get like 30 for that one!

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

It's NOT DOG!!!!

Having hot dogs for dinner with the boys this was the conversation:

Corbin: What is in the corn dog?

Me: Meat.

Corbin: Dog?

Me: No chicken.

Corbin: Dog tail?

Zach: Want to know whats really in it?

Corbin:  Yes. 

Zach:  Mechanically separated chicken.  Which means chicken parts like the beaks and feet.

Corbin:  So kinda like dog.

Me:  It's NOT DOG!

Corbin: Okay.  But what is in the hot dog?

As I am waving Zach off to describe further pieces of chicken parts. 

Me:  Chicken.

Corbin: Chicken?  So what in the corn dog.

Adam, Zach and I together: CHICKEN!!!!!!

Corbin:  Okay so not dog tail then.

Me: No...

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Stop drinking your brothers tears? WHAT????

This was one of those mornings that I would rather forget except for the small details that just cracked me up.

We were doing school work, yes even during tax season we get some work done, and Adam decided he wanted a waffle.  This child is more than capable of putting a frozen waffle in the toaster but he decided to have a moment.  Not a senior moment, a toddler moment I guess I would call it or a youngest child moment.  You know when they just can't do anything for themselves and everything you tell them just gets them angrier.

Instead of asking for help or doing it himself he threw himself behind the couch and started crying. 

At this point Zach looks at me and says:

What's his problem?

I don't know, you saw as much as I did.

We coax Adam out from behind the couch get the waffle situation covered and I ask him:

Why are you crying?

I JUST DON'T KNOW!!!!! (Poor guy, just having a day.)

Now Corbin ventures into the room and looks at Adam:

C:  Are those real tears running down your face?

A: (sniff, hiccup) YES!

Corbin proceeds to put his finger on his brothers cheek and catch a tear. 

C:  Humm, yup, that's a real tear, I'm going to save it for later when I need it.

And he proceeds to stick his finger in his mouth and then he touches another tear and does it again.

Corbin!  Stop drinking your brothers tears!

C:  Okay, they are kinda salty.

God save me.  I laughed. You know that awful look your parents used to send you when you did something wrong?  Yeah that one, I failed at it today.  I did not hold my laughter in while scolding my child.  That's what our parents were doing when they looked so strange and scary. They were holding in their laughter while scolding us at the same time.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

5 Little words you never want to hear with Shampoo in your hair.

There are days I wonder why I don't plan my activities better.  I find that as soon as I get comfortable, the screw up fairy is always there to say "Ha! Gotcha!"

Today is one of my poor planning days.  I planned to got to kickboxing and actually exercise and then come home and take a shower while Adam was in therapy.  Ha! 

What ended up happening?  We ended up chit chatting our way through kickboxing.  Hard to work out when I'm alone and would rather talk business. When I got home, I cleaned the kitchen while Adam was in therapy and ended up not getting to take my shower.  Now the really poor planning on my part was this, I thought that I could take a shower even though I sent my oldest child off for the evening with one of his bff's. 

I'm in the shower and Adam comes in crying.

Whats the matter?

A:  You didn't put syrup on my waffle and cut it up before you got in the shower!

Sorry baby.  Just wait a minute and I'll be out.  I have to get the shampoo out of my hair.

He walks out head down tears streaming down his face.  A minute later he runs back in with a huge smile on his face.

A: Mommy!  Its okay you don't have to hurry now.

A little frightened by the change in attitude I cautiously say "Why is that?"

A:  Corbin cut it up for me. (5 little words you never want to hear while in the shower) He put syrup on them too! (Oh goodie, let me contain my excitement of the mess I will now have to clean.)
Oh boy.  Darn it!  I have shampoo in my hair and I'm thinking of how my kitchen is going to look and wondering if Corbin has any fingers left.  Adam didn't say there was blood so I was hopeful that they both still had all their fingers and I wasn't going to have a Froto case on my hands.

Miraculously, I walked into the kitchen after all was said and done and there wasn't even a plate on the table or one drop of syrup.  The plate wasn't even flooded with syrup.  My boys are growing up.....Then they started playing dinosaurs and had intermixed Phineas and Ferb with Dino Dan into their dialog....Who knew that dinosaurs would say yes, yes, I am too old to be alive.  Okay then.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Eye Burgers?

Adam came up to me after waking up.  He was looking in the mirror and said

Mom, do I have eyes?

Umm Yeah baby you have eyes.

(huge sigh and a roll of the eyes) NO Mom!  Do I have eye stuff in my eyes.

Yeah eyes have eye stuff.

NO!!  Eye burgers( this is the way he said it, this is the way I will write it.)!

(I was running water in the sink when he asked me so I turned around and looked at him with my hands dripping wet)  Come her let me look.

With a little giggle and a shake of his head he looked at me and backed out of the room like I was some kind of predator out for his eye burgers. "No, its okay. I'm good."  Then he ran like demons were chasing him. 

You'd think I had tortured the child removing things from his eyes before.  Silly boy.

Sunday, February 3, 2013



Yes Zach?

Did you see the Niners are winning?

No, I turned the game off.  It seems I'm a bad luck charm for the Niners.  It never fails every time I watch a game they lose.

Good thing you turned it off.


Cause, the more the Niners are winning the more inappropriate the commercials are becoming. 

Oh goodie.

Yeah the Carl's Jr one was disgusting.  The girl was eating a cheeseburger in a bikini and she got on the ground and took off her top.  So inappropriate.

(I will relish this moment and put it here in my blog for future reference when I find my children looking at inappropriate things and thinking that they aren't so bad.  Hee Hee ammunition is always good to have.)

Friday, January 18, 2013

Mom! Where's the car?

Getting ready to go this morning my oldest child comes back in the house from the garage and looks at me and says:

Mom, what car are we taking?

Me:  The Mini.

Is it in the garage?

Me:  Yes.  Your dad took my car last night.

I didn't see it.

Me:  Seriously?  Its the little red car in the garage.

I really didn't see it....It's too mini.(with a look of mischief and his fingers about an inch apart)

Me: Sigh....Get in the car!

Monday, January 7, 2013

Concussions and the Neutering of Cats

I love having my boys home.  They give me such joy, love and blog fodder.  Tonight is no exception.  No, not at all. After retrieving them from their dad's house we spent the afternoon getting their skype, mine craft and Internet fix.  While we are getting ready for shower time Zachary decided to get his phone off the top bunk of his bed.  As he was retrieving his phone he slipped and fell cracking his head on the small table in the boys room.  The goose egg right behind his ear was nothing short of spectacular!  Really, it was blue and a lump that protruded almost an half inch to inch from his head.

Needless to say, I called his father to ask for the signs of a concussion and to let him know that his son was pretending to be an acrobat again. When I didn't get a hold of him I spoke with my favorite guy who looked up for me the symptoms of a concussion. Then Zach's dad called back and gave me a few more to look for.  Goodie for me I get to shine a light in my child's eyes.  I iced his head and shined the light in his eyes, maybe more than once for good measure and proceeded to have the following conversation:

We are going to have to catch the kitties to fix them.

Z: What do you mean fix them?

I mean make it so they can't have babies/

Z: Oh like the do to bulls?

What's that?

Z:  When they are done having babies they cut their balls off.

I prefer a different term for that but it pretty much sums the act up.

Z:  Oh and when they are done cutting them off they eat them.

We are not eating cat balls.

Z:  Yeah, I didn't think so that's gross.

Ya think?

Z:  Yup.

When I texted his father to let him know that he was okay and our conversation his only response to me was:
Great. Glad his is coherent.

A normal day in an abnormal life.  Yup that's my life.  Some days even my own family can't believe the things that happen. Believe it or not I live through stuff that fiction can't even touch.

Friday, January 4, 2013

The children should be grateful for long hold times.

I got my Comcast bill yesterday and about had a heart attack.  They doubled my rates!  This morning I have been on the phone with them already for over 70 minutes.  I spoke with someone who said they would fix my problem that was 60 minutes ago.  What to do while out waiting a corporation?

I made waffles.  The kids woke up and were so excited.  Zach asked me why I gifted them with waffles.  I pointed at the phone and said:

I got bored.

Z:  Can they put something else on there other than that guy saying the same thing over and over?

Nope, they want to weed out the impatient people.

Z:  Yeah that would do it.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Some take Mine Craft way to seriously.

Listening to the boys talking about Mine Craft this afternoon I have learned that some people take this game a little too seriously. 

For instance, my 12 year old has been banned from a Hunger Games version of the game because he killed the games creator....Seriously, if the 12 year old beat you without cheating suck it up and admit defeat don't ban the little monster unless you are just afraid that he will continue to beat you even though you have all the major things to protect you.  Seriously? 

The next instance beats the first.  How does my 4 year old beat a 42 year old person who is making the games?  Seriously, you can't get mad at him and curse at him (I will be grateful that he doesn't read curse words well yet) because he killed you.  Seriously, if my 4 year old is beating you, you might want to think about playing another game more suited to your capabilities, I think leap frog makes some that would be more suitable for you.

This concludes my complaint session about adults who need to get a grip. 

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Here Kitty, Kitty....

What an amazing Christmas season.  Almost completely free of any major drama, the boys learned that two Christmas's might be to their advantage, no one died on my birthday, and a quiet new years!

The boys were particularly excited about the gift they got from my favorite guy (who isn't related to me).  He brought them two kitties.  Smokey and Toni.  We welcomed them to the family exuberantly and then let them outside and......they were gone.  Smart kitties ran for the hills like a fire was chasing them, and Corbin was. 

Fortunately, they are smart kitties all the way around, later that night they reappeared when food appeared.  Though they promptly disappeared again when the food was gone. They return every night to eat and tease us with allowing a slight touch and then they are gone again.  Hey, I've had worse pets!