Sunday, February 11, 2018

Note to self, call when you get certain text messages

Well nothing like having the hell scared out of you on a Sunday afternoon.

My oldest sweet pea is away for the weekend at a karate seminar. Its a huge 2 day program that certifies him to be able to continue to teach at his karate studio. My mom went with him as this is a busy time of year for me. Really what could happen with a room full of trained black belts.

Why do I assume nothing could happen in a room full of karate students? Dumb.

I get the following from my mother:

Me: You on your way back yet?

Mom: Not yet. There was a man who has been taken into custody he was threatening everyone. About 20 police sheriffs and fire are here. He threatened to blow up the school. I don't know if they are going to shut down the class early or what. Will let you know as soon as I do.

Me: WTF?!?!!?!??!??!

Mom: I am in my car in the parking lot. Saw and heard everything going down.

Mom: How's the weather up there?

Me: cold

After the last message I had called the studios owners wife, she had no clue what was going on. Point one to always call my mother before I call anyone else. We talked for a few and figured that it couldn't have been a big deal but you never know.

I called my mom:

Me: Again WTF mom.

Mom: well a transient went into the school where the kids were and screamed at the kids and started throwing all his stuff around the gym. Then Zs instructor and a friend picked it all up and put it outside, apparently the man left at the same time. He was starting to move towards the men who evicted him at the same time the sheriffs showed up. They calmed him down and took him away.

That's when the instructor told my mom she might want to leave for a while.

Okay that isn't what your message indicated but I am so grateful that everyone is safe.

As I am relaying this information to my grandmother she says "you are so calm, most parents want to get in the car and get to the kids."

Me: Well for one thing I know sometimes mom gets a head of steam up about little things so I wanted to make sure of what was going on before I went on a momma bear strike. For another thing, if that jerk had gone back in there to hurt those kids I have no doubt that my mother would have put her car in drive and run his stupid ass over and I would be buying her a new car this week.

My grandmother laughed, "you're right, you sent him with the right person."

Friday, February 9, 2018

Life according to Mr. C, a Les Schwab commercial

Woo hoo!!! Fast food frenzy day!!!!

The day the kids get to go with 25 other kids to a bunch of junk food places and eat whatever they want for 2 hours.

I happily allow the two oldest children to walk around with their friends without too much supervision so I can hang out with my friends for a bit and have some adult time.

Tonight when I got home I was looking at the Instagram posts and low and behold there is a picture of my middle son in a freaking shopping cart, making a goofy face. Oh hello kitty why??????

I call said child to our bedroom for a little powwow about stupid photos and them showing up on social media.

Me: Why did you put yourself in the shopping cart?

C: Because my friend told me to so he could take a funny photo.

Me & Hubby: Seriously, you need to make better choices. You cannot let other people dictate to you what you should or should not do. You need to make choices that keep you and other safe.

C: You mean like Les Schwab tires, doing the right thing matters.

Making sure I didn't make eye contact with my husband and trying to keep my face without expression, "Yes, C, doing the right thing matters, I love you, go get ready for bed."

C leaves the room and my dh says "did we just spend 20 minutes of our lives trying to instill the if your friend jumps off a bridge should you theory into the child to be quoted a tire commercial?"

Me: (While snorting with laughter) Yup, he needs to be their spokesperson.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

From Burnt Grilled Cheese to Sushi

I'm guilty of being a bad mom tonight. I forgot to pack lunches for my children to take to theater for dinner. We pulled up to the theater and the boys both told me they were good but would be starving after theater.

Their step father and I picked them up and started driving around trying to figure out what everyone wanted. We were all starving!

Plan A was nachos at home but we were out of cheese sauce.

Plan B was pizza but no one could agree on a place.

Plan C was Chick Fil A but we drove passed it because we couldn't get over due to some lame driver who sped up every time I sped up and slowed down every time I did and I am sure didn't know that when someone puts their blinker on it means they want to get over.

Plan D I think was KFC.

Plan X was sushi at the local made to order all you can eat place.

We looked at each other and decided that if it was a total disaster there was always Taco Bell on the way home. Not exactly thinking it was a good idea but what the hell when has that ever stopped me.

Diego ordered lots of different kinds of sushi, miso soup, maguro, chicken, and gyoza.

Adam was not fond of anything but the chicken and rice. He did try some maguro and the miso soup.

Corbin on the other hand tasted my maguro, then grabbed the rest from my hand dumped it in the soy sauce wasabi mixture and shoved the whole thing in his mouth. Then went back for seconds and another sushi roll.

I am sure the aliens have come again and replaced my child who up until recently would only eat cheese pizza, open faced grilled cheese, and nutella sandwiches.

"Mom, I'm so grateful you brought us here. This food is delicious, delectable, and delightful. I do hope we can come here again."

I guess 2 out of 3 kids liking sushi is pretty good in my world. Now if we can just get over the nutella I'd be happy.

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Have you not heard politicians speak?

I was going through Corbin's school work getting it ready for his teacher to meet with us tomorrow. I ran across one of his science papers that I hadn't corrected.

The answer to his question was:"Because I think it is right."

Me: That is not an answer to a question. GRRRRR!!!!!

Zach: Mom, it is a valid answer.

Me: No. No it is not.

Z: Have you not heard politicians speak lately?

Why is it the 15 year old makes better sense than half the politicians out there?

Friday, March 25, 2016

Meth is pretty!

We had wonderful field trip to the local CSI and Sheriffs office the other day.

The kids learned all about crime scenes, saw all the lab equipment used on a crime scene, and how to make blood spatter.

Seeing the glee in the oldest's eyes when he was giving the instructions, the sheriff made sure to qualify if they were going to make blood spatter they should do it outside. I think that took some of the fun out of the idea. (THANK GOD!)

When the tour was over and most of the other families had dispersed another officer came into the room and asked us if "any of the big kids would like to see what Meth looked like?"

I am who I am. "Kids get in here!"

We had to wait while he prepped a meth kit and booked all the items they found on the gentleman they had just arrested.

The officer finally came out and showed the kids what meth looked like. Unfortunately I forgot which kids I had with me. All the kids saw what meth looked like.

The officer showed them a little vile filled package that had one of the little pieces of what looked to me like chlorine. He was saying that after each vile broke you could see what was in the crystal.

"When the last one breaks if it turns blue, you know we have meth."

He broke the last vile and the whole package turned a royal blue color.

C: "Wow! Meth is really pretty!  Look at that shade of blue!'

The concern was apparent, the officer started showing the kids before and after mug shots of people who are known meth addicts.

I then remembered that not only did I have my kids but other peoples kids.....Whoops! There is a fun phone call to make. "Yeah, so the rest of the group missed the meth lesson but our kids didn't. Sorry. If Mr. C says "Meth is pretty" you know why."

All I can think of at this point is please god, do not let him say that in front of anyone from CPS! I think it might take a bit of explaining.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

My boy can still make me turn red in a store.

I had to take my Zach to the store today to get the finishing touches on his costume. I should know by know that when I have a migraine I should wait for Diego to get home from work before I go so I don't have to take all three plus the extra special one I get for a week. No. I have to just get things done. Which means my mouth is not as filtered as it should be. Sigh.

We were looking at belts in the men's section and Zach found one he liked. I asked him to check the size he said its a 40 that should fit.

"No baby, that is for someone who is almost twice your size with a little fat on them."

C: You mean fat people mom? Like dad.

My niece just about fell over in the store as I stared with horror.

Me: Corbin, your father isn't fat please don't say things like that its not very nice. (While stifling a laugh and trying to avoid eye contact with my niece who is too smart for her own good.)

C: Well he does have an extra layer of insulation mom. Kinda like the walrus does.

I just turned and started walking away.

"Okay lets go find shoes!"

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Mom, you are grounded and have been replaced.

Its a lazy Saturday morning. Okay nothing is ever lazy in our house but our idea of lazy means light house keeping, grocery shopping, and final items for costumes to be purchased. None of these things is very much fun. I can get the minions to help me with the house keeping but the shopping I was rejected by all children until I said these fatal words....

"Okay if no one is coming with me all that house work needs to be done before you may play any video games."

C: I'm going with you.

Me: No. You can just stay home you didn't want to go in the first place its too late now.

C: You are still here so it is not too late. I'm going.

Me: No.

C: Mom, you're grounded until Christmas.

Me: Why?

C: You are making me do chores and you won't take me to the store with you!

Woo Hoo!

Me: Does that mean I have to say in my room all day and do nothing?!?!?!

C: There's still time to avoid being grounded!

Z: NO! It means you get to go grocery shopping!

After hanging around drinking my coffee and waiting for the boys to get most of their chores done Corbin comes back in the living room.

C: Mom. You've been replaced.

Feeling a little apprehensive, I asked the big question. "By whom?"

C: By Me.

Z: Corbin, you need an anatomy lesson.

I lost and took Corbin shopping with me. He is a great shopper and kept things on track the whole time. Crazy kid.