Wednesday, May 11, 2016

From Burnt Grilled Cheese to Sushi

I'm guilty of being a bad mom tonight. I forgot to pack lunches for my children to take to theater for dinner. We pulled up to the theater and the boys both told me they were good but would be starving after theater.

Their step father and I picked them up and started driving around trying to figure out what everyone wanted. We were all starving!

Plan A was nachos at home but we were out of cheese sauce.

Plan B was pizza but no one could agree on a place.

Plan C was Chick Fil A but we drove passed it because we couldn't get over due to some lame driver who sped up every time I sped up and slowed down every time I did and I am sure didn't know that when someone puts their blinker on it means they want to get over.

Plan D I think was KFC.

Plan X was sushi at the local made to order all you can eat place.

We looked at each other and decided that if it was a total disaster there was always Taco Bell on the way home. Not exactly thinking it was a good idea but what the hell when has that ever stopped me.

Diego ordered lots of different kinds of sushi, miso soup, maguro, chicken, and gyoza.

Adam was not fond of anything but the chicken and rice. He did try some maguro and the miso soup.

Corbin on the other hand tasted my maguro, then grabbed the rest from my hand dumped it in the soy sauce wasabi mixture and shoved the whole thing in his mouth. Then went back for seconds and another sushi roll.

I am sure the aliens have come again and replaced my child who up until recently would only eat cheese pizza, open faced grilled cheese, and nutella sandwiches.

"Mom, I'm so grateful you brought us here. This food is delicious, delectable, and delightful. I do hope we can come here again."

I guess 2 out of 3 kids liking sushi is pretty good in my world. Now if we can just get over the nutella I'd be happy.

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Have you not heard politicians speak?

I was going through Corbin's school work getting it ready for his teacher to meet with us tomorrow. I ran across one of his science papers that I hadn't corrected.

The answer to his question was:"Because I think it is right."

Me: That is not an answer to a question. GRRRRR!!!!!

Zach: Mom, it is a valid answer.

Me: No. No it is not.

Z: Have you not heard politicians speak lately?

Why is it the 15 year old makes better sense than half the politicians out there?

Friday, March 25, 2016

Meth is pretty!

We had wonderful field trip to the local CSI and Sheriffs office the other day.

The kids learned all about crime scenes, saw all the lab equipment used on a crime scene, and how to make blood spatter.

Seeing the glee in the oldest's eyes when he was giving the instructions, the sheriff made sure to qualify if they were going to make blood spatter they should do it outside. I think that took some of the fun out of the idea. (THANK GOD!)

When the tour was over and most of the other families had dispersed another officer came into the room and asked us if "any of the big kids would like to see what Meth looked like?"

I am who I am. "Kids get in here!"

We had to wait while he prepped a meth kit and booked all the items they found on the gentleman they had just arrested.

The officer finally came out and showed the kids what meth looked like. Unfortunately I forgot which kids I had with me. All the kids saw what meth looked like.

The officer showed them a little vile filled package that had one of the little pieces of what looked to me like chlorine. He was saying that after each vile broke you could see what was in the crystal.

"When the last one breaks if it turns blue, you know we have meth."

He broke the last vile and the whole package turned a royal blue color.

C: "Wow! Meth is really pretty!  Look at that shade of blue!'

The concern was apparent, the officer started showing the kids before and after mug shots of people who are known meth addicts.

I then remembered that not only did I have my kids but other peoples kids.....Whoops! There is a fun phone call to make. "Yeah, so the rest of the group missed the meth lesson but our kids didn't. Sorry. If Mr. C says "Meth is pretty" you know why."

All I can think of at this point is please god, do not let him say that in front of anyone from CPS! I think it might take a bit of explaining.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

My boy can still make me turn red in a store.

I had to take my Zach to the store today to get the finishing touches on his costume. I should know by know that when I have a migraine I should wait for Diego to get home from work before I go so I don't have to take all three plus the extra special one I get for a week. No. I have to just get things done. Which means my mouth is not as filtered as it should be. Sigh.

We were looking at belts in the men's section and Zach found one he liked. I asked him to check the size he said its a 40 that should fit.

"No baby, that is for someone who is almost twice your size with a little fat on them."

C: You mean fat people mom? Like dad.

My niece just about fell over in the store as I stared with horror.

Me: Corbin, your father isn't fat please don't say things like that its not very nice. (While stifling a laugh and trying to avoid eye contact with my niece who is too smart for her own good.)

C: Well he does have an extra layer of insulation mom. Kinda like the walrus does.

I just turned and started walking away.

"Okay lets go find shoes!"

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Mom, you are grounded and have been replaced.

Its a lazy Saturday morning. Okay nothing is ever lazy in our house but our idea of lazy means light house keeping, grocery shopping, and final items for costumes to be purchased. None of these things is very much fun. I can get the minions to help me with the house keeping but the shopping I was rejected by all children until I said these fatal words....

"Okay if no one is coming with me all that house work needs to be done before you may play any video games."

C: I'm going with you.

Me: No. You can just stay home you didn't want to go in the first place its too late now.

C: You are still here so it is not too late. I'm going.

Me: No.

C: Mom, you're grounded until Christmas.

Me: Why?

C: You are making me do chores and you won't take me to the store with you!

Woo Hoo!

Me: Does that mean I have to say in my room all day and do nothing?!?!?!

C: There's still time to avoid being grounded!

Z: NO! It means you get to go grocery shopping!

After hanging around drinking my coffee and waiting for the boys to get most of their chores done Corbin comes back in the living room.

C: Mom. You've been replaced.

Feeling a little apprehensive, I asked the big question. "By whom?"

C: By Me.

Z: Corbin, you need an anatomy lesson.

I lost and took Corbin shopping with me. He is a great shopper and kept things on track the whole time. Crazy kid.

Removal of facial hair with duct tape..

"Hold your babies they grow up so fast." This is a quote I have heard from countless people over the years. It wasn't until today that I realized how true it is.

I got the boys back from their dads house and we were talking like we do about how their weekend was. I happened to look over at my sweet almost 14 year old's face and what do I see? Stubble. Blond stubble, but stubble none the less.

Me: Hey! (I reached over at the stop light and grabbed his face.) Is that stubble on your face?

Z: Yeah.... Why?

Me: Well I think maybe its time for you to learn how to shave then.

Z: Meh. Its been like this for a couple of months.

Me: What have you been doing about it?

Z: Ripping it out with duct tape.

Me: (Cringing on the inside knowing how badly that had to hurt.) Really? Are you nuts?!

Z: It was effective.

Me: Doesn't that hurt?

Z: Yeah, but that's why I got mustache duct tape. You know the one with the mustaches on it. Hee hee I've been waiting to use that pun for months!

Sigh. Guess its time to buy the boy a razor, though duct tape might be cheaper.

I then had to show him this YouTube video.....LOL

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

You all need showers!

I picked Zach and his friends up from instructor training tonight. Most Friday's I let my friend pick them up and just keep Zach. She lives closer and well by Friday night I am just tired of driving to karate.

Three sweaty, stinky teenage boys and the two little boys pile in the van and we start to head home. About 5 minutes into the trip I hear the littlest giggling and then the smell begins.

Me: Oh my word! That smell is awful! You will all take showers when we get home.

Kid 1: Um that happens to be Adams feet.

Me: Good lord child put your shoes back on now! It smells like something died in here!

Kid 1: He didn't have his shoes on at all he just took off his socks.

(Adam giggling like  a little fiend) Hee hee!

Me: Adam! Put your socks on! (At this point Zach and I have both rolled our windows down and he is leaning out the window like a dog. To be honest I wished I could too. My eyes were watering.)

Adam: Okay

The smell starts to dissipate. Then it begins again!

Adam! Put your socks on!

Kid 1: Its not Adam its Corbin this time!

Me: Corbin! Put your shoes back on!!!!

C: That was my left foot! HA HA HA HA!

Me: Put that shoe back on and don't take the right one off!!!!

Kid 1: Don't lick your feet.

Me: He is licking his foot! Gross you can get sick that way! Stop licking your feet!!!!

Z: You can't get sick that way.

Me: You have got to be kidding me! Yes you can!!!

Kid 1: Now he's just sniffing his feet!

Me: Stop sniffing your feet. They smell bad put YOUR SHOES ON!!!!!

Kid 1: You don't have to sniff me now! Gross don't do that!

Me: What now?

Kid 1: He just licked his hand and smacked me in the face with it.

Me: Okay Corbin, do not sniff your friends, and do NOT lick your hand and touch peoples faces! You could get them sick!

C: I can....Oh I'm sorry!

Me: Zach! Get your head back in the window its not...Gag that bad!

Here I thought the teenagers smelled bad.