Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Never a dull moment.

Today was co-op day.  Where a couple of moms get together, teach, and play.  Oh, we teach the kids too.

After co-op, I offered to take one of my friends daughters for the evening since she had an appointment. 

Leaving co-op was interesting.  As I carried the extra four year old from my friends house screaming her lungs out I paused and thought if anyone but my friends was watching...They were totally going to call CPS.  Fortunately for me, she didn't hit, kick, scratch, or bite me. (My kids would have)  I put her in the car and headed home.  I bribed her with cookies, popsicles and watching a movie.  All was calm again.

Later I had left the kids in Corbin's room and gone into the kitchen to clean up after dinner.  The kids eventually trailed in after me, you know they like to be in the same room but not interact with you unless you happen to be on the phone where then they insist that you have ignored them all day long and are a neglectful parent! 

Becoming bored with me since I got off the phone the following conversation occurred between the two four year old's:

A:  What you want to do?

F:  I don't know?  What do you want to do?   (here I am having Sponge Bob and Patrick flashbacks)

A:  I don't know what do you want to do?

F:  I know!

A:  What?

F:  Let's go watch Corbin pee again!

A:  Okay!

Me:  NO!!!!!!!  You many not watch Corbin pee!!!! Corbin!!!! Shut the bathroom door!!!!!

Then I sent the following texts:

OMG.  I just had to tell Adam and Friend they couldn't watch Corbin pee.  Apparently when I went in the kitchen they went in my room and watched Corbin pee.  They then said. "lets go watch again!  At which point I had to say you may not watch Corbin pee!

I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!(I don't think she will ever let me watch her children again!  Though she was laughing when she picked her up.)

I sent a text to some of my friends and got responses that varied from


Sweet!  Well not really but little kids are so much fun.

It is an event almost like a circus.

Another thing you never thought you'd have to say.  (which is why I had to blog it!)

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Guns sound peaceful. Huh?

Driving again...I seem to do lots of driving to and from mainly...Karate.  We live there, I should put a cot, refrigerator, and a goody cabinet there and I would be set. 

Driving I hear from the back the DVD has gone to snow in the sound.

Friend:  I love the sound of the ocean.

Z:  Huh?  What are you talking about?

F:  You know the white noise its peaceful.

Z:  I think the sound of gun fire is peaceful.

Me & F:  WHAT?!?!?!?

Z:  You know cause guns are peacemakers.

Me:  Yeah....I'm pretty sure that's not a peaceful noise. 

Z:  You don't know mom.  It could be....You never know....

This from the child who was never allowed to have a gun to play with as a small child.  Ever.  I hate to say it but boys see something about guns once that's it your toast.  They then turn everything into guns, sticks, Lego's, math blocks.  I guess I should have thought before I said I will never let my kids play with guns.....Sigh. 

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Me know how to ignore my brother!

Corbin....That boy that boy.  Some days he can be my biggest challenge.  Today was one of those days.  He and his brothers kept fighting and annoying each other.  I felt like I needed to separate them all into their own velcro corners.  Mind, I don't have velcro corners in the house yet but they along with the suits for each of the children are a dream of mine.  Just stick them there for a nice long time out.  They can climb the walls and I can have a peaceful moment....Maybe... Okay not likely but like I said its a dream. 

Z:  Mom!  Corbin is driving us all crazy!

Me:  Okay, I will do my best to make him stop.

The long conversation with my C man ensues.  The results less than stellar.

Z: He's still doing it!

Me:  I don't know what to say.  Just ignore him.

Z:  Okay.

A:  Me know how to ignore him mommy! 

Me:  Really?

A:  Yeah.....Corbin! Corbin!  Boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo!  Annoy, annoy, annoy, annoy.  See!

Me:  (laughing)  No honey that's annoy not ignore.

A:  It works too.  Makes him go away.

All I can do is shake my head.  Whatever works for you babe and doesn't get you hit.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Your car smells different......

Last week wespent a few days at my brothers.  So we did something we haven't done before.  I found myself at the car wash. My sister in law actually reads my Facebook posts and my blog(nice to be loved).... She read about needing shots to get in my car and decided I needed an intervention.  We took her kids to school and mine to the car wash.  (Trust me that was an education, in math, and science experiments gone wrong in my car.)  We got almost the whole shebang....they shampooed the seats, cleaned the spit art, vacuumed the floors.  This took quite some time to accomplish, my sisters truck was done almost 20 minutes before mine was....whoops, those guys earned their money!  When it was all done we got in and the seats were still wet.  The guys put plastic over them and we were off.

Me:  It smells funny in here.

Zach:  Its the smell of clean mom.

Me:  Nice...Brat.

Putting people in a car and driving around is always a way to have a conversation. They can't get away from you unless they jump when you slow down and unless they have a TV or some other electronics going they have nothing better to do....Well unless your my children who then think spit art on the windows is acceptable way to entertain themselves.  So two days later we were driving to karate with one of the boys friends in the car.

F:  Ms. Flamik....Your car smells different.

Me:  Yeah we got it cleaned.

Zach:  Can't you tell its the smell of clean? 

F:  I was wondering but I couldn't quite tell since I have never seen your car clean.

Zach:  Hummm....Me either.

Me:  I have cleaned the care before.

Zach:  No mom you emptied it you didn't clean it like those guys did.

Me:  Fine...

Then I turned up the radio and threatened them with the claw.  That usually stops all smack talk in the car. 

Friday, September 7, 2012

Another Black Eye??? Not again!

In the last 6 weeks Adam has received 3 black eyes.  Before you go calling CPS on me know that none of them were caused by an adult only one was from actual contact with another human being. 

The first of the black eyes occurred when Zach was doing his staff Kata in the back yard.  Adam came screaming into the house with this horrible mark on his eye and Zach came trailing in after him.

What happened?  (As I'm getting ice and wondering if I can get Adam to stop screaming and tell me what happened.)
Zach:  He walked into my staff.
Zach:  I was doing my Kata and he walked right into may staff.
Right so you were doing your Kata and he got close and you pushed your staff out right?
Zach:  Well, kinda.
Really?  Why?
Zach:  I didn't think he would walk into it I thought he would see I was working and would back up.
Apparently not.
Zach:  Sorry Adam.  (grrrr!)

Two weeks later, I'm having dinner with my friends who feel lucky they had their shots before they got into my car, I get a text message from the boys dad. 

Adam hit a wall....nice goose egg under his left eye.  (Again?! the same eye!)
Me:  Is he okay?  Does he want to talk to me?
He is ok...just another good shiner coming on.
Me:  Nice.

Then I got the picture.  Poor baby!

Me:  Who pushed him into the wall?
He just fell into it while playing
Me:  K..It looks awful.
Yeah.  It looks pretty nasty, but hasn't slowed him down any.
Me:  K

When they got home I asked Zach what happened.  They were playing and he dove to try and catch Zach and instead of catching Zach....He caught the wall.  I know this is my child now, he comes from a woman who can trip over a flat surface with bare feet.

We got home from our infamous Walmart trip today and we were exhausted. Me emotionally and sensory overload. Them the same. Makes us for not the best people to be around and probably not the most observant of our surroundings. Well at least me and Adam.  I walked into the kitchen to find him screaming and his eye, thankfully the right eye this time, turning purple.

I asked one of the kids what happened.

Well....He picked up the two liter of coke to put it away and he looked straight at the top of it and proceeded to shove it in his eye.

I had to ask and then text all my friends and got responses that varied from just "Nice", "stop abusing your child." to "Ouch!  he's your boy!"  Poor baby.  With this track record he's set to beat my all time number of black eyes.  My best was on parallel bars swinging forward and cracking my head on the second bar I had raccoon eyes for weeks.    At least I know he comes by it naturally. 

You did not just kick a man in Walmart?

I am usually a very tolerant person.  When my small child randomly kicks a passerby in a store, my tolerance is completely gone.  Today was one of those days.  I went to Walmart to pick up a bunch of different stuff from diapers for a baby shower to chlorine for my pool  Its the only place that carries everything or I would never go there, too much stimulation and distraction.  I also try not to talk on the phone there because I can't do both at the same time.  I just wonder aimlessly and feel dizzy.  Today I needed to find out what kind of diapers my friend like best so I was standing in the diaper isle making a quick call.  I turn around to find a man talking to my boys.  They were standing at the end of the isle waiting for me.  I was on the phone for two minutes. 

Zach....What was that about?

Zach:  Corbin just kicked that guy.


Zach:  Yeah, he just randomly kicked him!
What did he say to you?  (And why didn't he yell at me?  Or say something to me?  I was standing right there just picking up diapers!)

Zach:  He asked Corbin if he did it on purpose and Corbin did the Corbin thing where he looks everywhere and says no.  So I told him he had to say sorry, so he did and the man said I was a good boy.

Before I tell you the next thing, I have to say that man was so nice to accept Corbins appology and tell Zach he was a good boy. 

Now....I came unglued.  WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?!

Corbin:  I don't know I clotheslined him.

(I bent down and grabbed his little face not hard)  Look at me!  What you did was not okay!  You cannot randomly trip people, clothesline people or kick people!  Ever!!!!!  (Now this woman who has no idea what has just occurred and only sees me put my hands on his cheeks starts to say to me, you really shouldn't,  I just put my hand up.  I didn't even respond but stood up and walked away.  Really, you have no idea what I am dealing with, I'm not hurting him or I wouldn't do it in a store and if he doesn't look at me I know he isn't getting what I'm saying!)

Corbin:  Okay mom, I'll stop kicking strangers.

OH!   You better not do that ever again.  You are in so much trouble!  You just lost your Iron Man Costume for the day.

Corbin:  You're Fired!  (Oh goodie!  I got fired.....Again.)

Okay, see you later.

Corbin:  No, I'm sorry!  I quit! (How do I not laugh at my child quitting being my child.)

And that was our afternoon.  I'm tired.....Oh and its not still early!  Yay!!!!

Shoulders and Toes

We were in the drive through waiting for our turn when out of the blue I here from the back seat:

Corbin:  Adam.

Adam:  What?

Corbin:  Papa is watching me from this shoulder and Grandpa Charley is watching me from this shoulder.  (Mind you Corbin was never able to meet my father and Zachary only has a vague memory of him)

Adam:  What about Felix?(the cat)

Corbin:  He's licking my toes.

That cat did like to lick toes and then bite them.  Weird kitty.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

When did I become a napkin?

At dinner tonight, I was sitting with my boys eating some spaghetti and meatballs, talking about Mine Craft when:
Adam:  Mommy! Mommy!

Me:  What Adam?

The child proceeds to wipe his mouth and hands on my white tee shirt.  (Mind you I do not usually wear white for the specific reason I am a klutz and my children think I am their personal napkin.)  He starts giggling hysterically.

Me:  Why did you do that?

Adam:  Because your a napkin.

Me:  No I'm not!  (At this point all three of them are giggling.)

Adam:  Yes.  You are wearing white.

Me:  That does not make me a napkin!!!

Zach:  Well, you are wearing white and napkins are white.

Me:  NO!!!! That does not make me a napkin!

All three:  Yes, yes it does. 

I am so out numbered!  Apparently motherhood and wearing white will make me a personal napkin for my little darlings.