Saturday, June 23, 2012

Shoe Shopping after a Day of Sugar=Bad Things

Our day started with the waking of my dear sweet Adam. 

Adam....Honey wake up....(nothing)
Adam..(rubbing his back, with my cold hands...hee hee, still nothing)
Adam...You want doughnuts?
YES!(then back to sleep.)
YES!(back to sleep again)
Adam, if you get up now we can go get doughnuts!
I'm up! (as he rolls himself over to find his brother and friend are video taping his waking to the promise of doughnuts.  Oh did that make him mad!)  He then rolled over on me and said silly mommy, get me doughnuts now please?

Off to Krispy Kream and our Granite Springs Church Youth Group Fundraiser.  Okay really it was a garage sale that was selling more doughnuts, coffee, hot dogs, and crap our lovely families from church didn't want anymore.  The boys had fun chasing down cars with doughnut boxes and Corbin actually stuck his face up to one window till they got out and bought doughnuts.  He's the salesman of the family.  (I really think they thought it was creepy and the best way to get the kid out of their window was to buy a doughnut.  Smart people.)  About two hours in we decided that the boys had had enough doughnuts and could go home knowing they sold their little hearts out.

Sugar is in their system.  Its running rampant.  Time for our next adventure, the SellState Realty First Carnival.  Let me just say that Joe and Marguerite know how to throw a party not just for the adults.  Adam did not want to leave their house, which is rare he always wants to go home.  There were water slides, bounce houses, dunk tank, swimming, BBQ, and sugar lots of sugar, cookies, snow cones, cotton candy, brownies and many other cupcake like treats.  Thank you so much for a great time....and all the sugar.....Half of which I did not actually watch them consume since it was so well hidden. 

You know when you go to a party and you expect your children to be exhausted because they have gone up and down huge water slides, been so cold that half their energy should have been sapped out from shivering, and have run around with the cutest dog ever.  Yeah, that doesn't work for my children who have no off switch and really just appear to get more and more energy as they spiral out of control.  What do I do?  I take them shopping.  In my defence, the xBox controller is junk and we needed a new one and I had promised to take them to GameStop.  That's what I did.  Then, Toys R Us.  The spiral continues.  But do I realize how bad it is getting?  Nope.  I get the bright idea to take them shoe shopping.

Nordstrom Rack will never be the same.  I'm surprised they didn't kick us out half way through, though I have to say it would have been over faster if I hadn't found a very nice pair of shoes that I needed for work....Really they are totally work related!  As we are waiting in line the nice lady in front of us says its fine that they are on the verge of knocking her on her bottom.  No worries honey, I have kids too.  Yeah...Not mine...As she turns around to see if they are calling her to a check out stand I watch in horror as my sweet doughnut boy leans over to take a little nibble out of the bottom of her jacket.

NOOOOOO!!!!!!!  Of course I grab him before he is able to make purchase into her flesh or the rest of her clothing.  To my amazement she doesn't even notice she's been bitten by the vampire child.  But in the back of her jacket are little half crescent wet marks. 

Adam!  (note this is the second time this month I have told him he cannot bite the people who are in front of us in line.  The first time was at Sun Splash and he bit the backpack of the child who was standing in line in front of us.  Again no damage but little half moon marks.)  YOU CANNOT BITE PEOPLE IN FRONT OF YOU!!!!  EVER!!!  We don't bite!

The message to his father who was having one of those days was this:

Adam just bit the woman in line in front of us.  I think I win.  But you have my sympathies.  Want me to make up a catastrophe?

No......its ok.  You win.

It was kinda funny.

Note to self.......Do not take children shoe shopping after large amounts of sugar and high fructose corn syrup have been consumed.  Results may vary and include biting of fellow patrons.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012


No one can ever say I was not open and frank with my children about words they have heard on the play ground.  I have been told by one of my son's friends that I lap book curse words with them.  Where did he get that from oh that's right the F word.

Zach came home with the F word and asked me what it meant.  So being who I am I went to the Internet found a 30 page dissertation on wikipida on the word, printed it and started reading it with Zach.  About 5 pages in Zach stopped me and said " Mom, if I promise to never say that word, can we stop now?"  If I hear that word from his mouth we will start at the beginning of that paper again.
I digress....

The other day we went to the doctor for his check up and for a physical to be done so he can go to boy scout camp.

I started asking him the questions on the questionnaire:
Any changes in your life?

Not that I want to tell them.

Have we talked about puberty?

(Rolling his eyes with a little fear in them.)  Mom, if I say yes will you not go into detail about that stuff? (guess I'm a little too open, oh and when he came home with the word sex I did get his father to run from the room bright red.  What?  I just opened the anatomy books and we did a little unit study.)

Okay then, Do I limit your screen time?

Just say yes.  It's not like I don't go outside.  Look at my skin.

Yeah that boy is all mine. 

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Revenge of the Bacon

Here's a text message I never ever thought I would send.  Especially to another mother, thank god for her sense of humor.

FYI your son just tried to choke to death on bacon.  He is alive and well  a little shaken and there are many pig revenge jokes flying around the table, no sympathy here.

The boys are all sitting down for breakfast and I have two extras here.  One of them stands up and points to his throat, then coughs a little and says, "I'm choking"  I move him toward the sink as he is gagging too and I'd rather he throw up somewhere easy to clean up.  I know from training that as long as he is coughing and talking he has air.  I'm not that cold hearted.  I start pounding the poor guys back and he is hacking up the bacon in my sink and after the bacon was dislodged I hear from the table(they had to make sure he was going to live before they started cracking jokes, so kind of them):

Poor guy, he was minding his own business when that bacon decided to jump down his throat for killing all the pigs on mine craft.

Yeah!  Revenge of the pigs!(I keep having revenge of the nerds running through my mind except with little pigs in glasses)

I'm not eating bacon any more those pigs are mean.

So I made toast and I now fear that the poor kid will have a revenge of the bacon fear for the rest of his life.  Well, I guess that's something to talk about in therapy later in life.

An icy morning

I woke up this morning with two extra boys in my house.  When we have big sleepovers I always know two things one, I'm going to hear something that will make me laugh and two I'm going to have to make a bigger breakfast than normal. 


Ms. Flamik

Yes love?

When I woke up this morning I saw Corbin putting ice on Zach's head.

Really? (Where does he get this stuff?  Really?  Why is he putting ice on his brothers head? I hope I'm not next to wake up that way....That won't be a pretty day.)


Did he tell you why........?

He said he didn't want the ice anymore.



Don't put ice on your brothers head to wake him up.

Okay mom. (You know I should have made that a broader statement to avoid having others woken with the same tender loving care.)

Sunday, June 17, 2012


Trolling.....What is trolling?  Well according to the 11 year old it is the typing of trolling over and over and over again and texting or skyping it to someone.  This is the definition of trolling. 

The boys Grandma came to visit this week and when she came with their dad to drop them off we started talking about computers.  Now, my boys spend a bit of time on the computer playing mine craft and skyping each other or trolling friends.  So as we are discussing computers the following is what happens.....

Z:  Grandma you are never on skype!

G:  Yes I am but I keep getting these long messages I don't understand. 

Me:  Grandma what do they say?

G: T something.

Me:  Zach!  Did you troll Grandma?

Z:  Up....Over and over and over again.

Me:  Nice!  (with a high five for him being so silly)

G:  I don't understand this.  Why is he sending me these messages?

Z:  To get your attention!

Me:  To annoy you into a response.

G:  You are going to have to teach me how to delete those.

Z:  What would the fun in that be?

Me:  Laughing...just laughing...I can't help it that kid cracks me up.  Where in the world did he get that naughty sense of humor......Really don't look at me.  ROFLOL!

Thursday, June 14, 2012

The washing machine is not a rock tumbler

Three boys.....
Pockets in their clothes......
Rocks in their pockets........Nope.....

Why are there rocks in the washing machine?

A:  I don't know......(Zach's not here so he didn't do it.)

C:  I wanted to make them shiny.

Corbin.  The washing machine is not a rock polisher or tumbler.

C:  Well it does make them clean mom.

Sigh.....How to beat a seven year old's logic.

Friday, June 8, 2012

Who gave the children all the sugar? Oh Grandmother.....

This is a day of too much sugar.  My sweet mother came over to wish my oldest a fun trip and with her came two dozen Krispy Kream doughnuts.....Warm.....I even had one and I don't like doughnuts...To many months working in a bakery cleaning out the doughnut cabinet.  I was able to donate 1 dozen to the family who was going on the trip with my oldest this morning.  The second dozen I left at the house thinking, falsely, that my mother would not let the small children eat a dozen doughnuts.  Stupid, stupid, stupid!   What, What, What was I thinking?????

I got home from working and what did I find?  3 children, my two little ones, and the one I watch on occasion.  I was informed that they had each had only two doughnuts.  When I looked in the box there were only 3 left.......Can we do the math together?  2 doughnuts per child so that's 2 times 3......there should be 6 doughnuts left in the box right?  Hummmmm and my mother does not eat doughnuts....Ever.  So I must assume that when she was not looking the monsters each either had one more or the older two had one and a half more or one had like 5 doughnuts to himself.  The product of all that sugar consumption.....The following is what has occurred in the house with that much sugar in their system.

6 fist fights and wrestling matches = 6 time outs
5 licking incedents
       a.  Don't lick your brother!
       b.  Don't lick me!
       c.  Don't chew the bed!
       d.  Don't lick the dog!
       e.  Do not lick my computer!!!!!
4 times of me saying don't kill your brother.
3 issues of mommying me to the brink of insanity......Example:

Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy!
What????  I have answered you every time!  What do you want?
Put Draw Something on my iPod please!
Okay.(stupid me!  Who is going to play Draw Something with the 4 year old who doesn't care what the word is he just wants to draw and make you guess using the words that you are given.  Good thing I have a lot of bombs!)
Take your turn!!!
I did! 
Do it again!(This went on longer than I want to type.)

Me:  Corbin go get a tissue

C:  We are out and I was playing Eni Meni Miney Mo with the doughnuts.  The chocolate one lost so I was going to attack it!

Me:  Poor doughnut.  No more doughnutsssssss......(As I see he has already attacked the doughnut while I was playing draw something with Adam.  Crap)  The evil in me(and maybe the sugar) made me do the next thing.  I texted their father and told him he had to download the game so A could play with him.  ROFLOL That fixed the me not seeing what they were doing. 

I think I will beg my mother to never bring doughnuts to the house in mass quantities again unless we are having a party.  (It won't work but its worth a try!)

And its still early!

Appearances can be Deceiving

This morning I saw the oldest monster off with his friends on a grand adventure.  As the oldest of the other family was describing how one of her friends keeps pinching her pressure points we all turned to my oldest and said:

"Hey Zach, can you help B stop this kid from hurting her all the time?  Know any pressure points that will just stop him?"

Does my child say a thing?  No.  He immediately moves his hand to the back of his friends neck and suddenly the child is bent over almost on the ground. 

"He moved like a snake.  One second he looks all mellow and sweet, the next, BAM!  He kinda sacred me."

Then he proceeds to tell us all the different points you can put someone on the ground with.

Me: Where did you learn all that?

Z:  Karate mom.  (With an expression on his face of  "duhhh, you know I go like 6 times a week and I do have a Jr. Blackbelt freak!") 

Me:  Oh.....Yeah....

Z:  Oh and I have been learning a move if done correctly will kill someone.

Friend:  Don't use that on anyone here okay.

Z:  Yeah I won't.

Careful he looks cute and all but apparently he might be a little deadly.  Thanks Mr. Nunez at Marinobles Granite Bay.