Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Your car makes me glad I have had all my shots.

A few weeks ago  I went  to see one of my dear friends before she left for a mission trip.   It was important to me that I see her before she left as she was going to Cambodia to work with children who are sold at night.  (Not easy work for anyone,  I couldn't do it without wanting to adopt them all and make sure the people responsible didn't go home.) We decided that we needed to have one last great dinner out before she left.   Of course since the people we were with were all tall we decided to take my truck.  

Taking my truck involves moving car seats and well kid junk and throwing trash away.  The process takes at least 10 minutes if the people you are traveling with don't mind stepping on junk.  If you have children,  you know you never ever turn a car seat upside down and to expect under the seat will be pretty messy.   In my car multiply the never ever by 12.  I  don't think about cleaning the car out till I have to drive someone who is not a child.   Then the panic begins.   I don't look back there, so I am painfully unaware of what it looks like.   I am no longer unaware.  

The process started with the removal of Adam's car seat.  Which I screamed when one of the people helping me tried to just turn it sideways and shove it in the back!  Don't do it!!!   I think the shock and total look of you are crazy crossed his face.  But, when turned upside down the dawning of why I didn't want it done that way occurred.  I don't even want to think about what fell out of that seat, ever.  After removing the car seat my friends husband looked and said I think I need the shop vac before we can even sit down.  (At this point my only defense is well no defense.  The last of my worries is how my car looks, I just don't care, I get in, I drive it where I need to go, I get out.)  The shop vac sucks up the majority of crap on the seat and we are off, and the commentary begins.

FH:  So, Ari, do you know your children are artists?

Me:  Ummm, why do you say that?

FH:  It appears they have been drawing on your windows.

Me:  WHAT?

FH:  Yeah, it looks like spit paintings on your back windows.   They are some talented spit artist's.  Maybe, there's some boogers in there too.

Me:  Oh gross! 

They taunted and teased me all the way to the restaurant where we proceeded to get out of the truck my friends husband looked down at his white shirt,

FH:  I wasn't this dirty when I got in the truck.

Me:  Yeah you were that was shop vac dirt.

FH:  I don't think so.  You know what I'm not going to think about this, I'm just glad I have had all my shots.

F:  Well, I'm still finishing with the Typhoid Shots but I have all the others.
Me:  Shut up!

Guess I need to get my truck detailed.  Sigh.  Whatever!

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Mom, that really offeneded me.

When does an eight year old say "Mom, that really offended me."  Apparently when its my child and I have denied him candy. 

He got his revenge later this evening when we went to visit some friends.  Wait for it....

We were sitting on the back lawn chatting and having a picnic meal of Taco Bell and suddenly we hear a spraying noise. 

My friend screams "Ahhh!!!! the sprinklers are coming on!"

I grab my phone to keep it dry and proceed to get wet and try to get out of the middle of the lawn before my phone becomes saturated with water.  What do you think I hear now?  Laughter....of 6 children.  They are laughing at the moms mad dash from the lawn to the patio. 

See mom.  That's what happens when you tell me things I don't like. (These are the moments I am positive there is a God.  If there weren't, I would have thrown all my cool away long ago.)

Hummm, I don't think so honey.  This is what happens when we sit on our friends lawns at 7pm every time we come to their house.  (This was also the site of the last sprinkler incident.  I am not going to sit on their lawn anymore.  I always end up getting wet!)

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Mom, really, I'm good.

I have said it before, I will say it again.  I don't hide the world from my kido's.  Even though the mother in me would like to cover them and protect them from the world at large.  I cannot.  My answer to this dilemma is to educate them when they learn new colorful sentence enhancers and new concepts. 

This was a week for new concepts.  Oh the joys!  While discussing issues of terrorism, depression, and other fun items, I suggested to my sweet lovey boy that if he needed to talk to someone else he could.  I began to list people who, 1. I trust and 2. I trust to tell me if its really bad.  I was cut short on my listing of people with:

Mom, really?  I don't need to talk to anyone else.  You give me plenty of information and always tell me everything!  Even when I don't want to know anymore.  I know that being informed and educated on these issues is a way to help me understand them and when someone uses or discusses things incorrectly I can recognize that they are not informed. And mom, girls are still gross!

(YESSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am so not ready for girls!) Oh and yeah, he's a smart one!

Monday, August 6, 2012

How many kids are in the car?

Getting in the car this morning Adam asked me:

Mommy, how many kids are in the car? One, two, three, four, five, six!

Me:  No baby I only have four kids in the car.

Zach:  No mom there are five.

Me:  What?

Zach:  I'm counting yooouuu too.

Me:  You can't count me as my own child.

Zach:  In alternate dimension you could.

Shaking my head.  Put your seat belts on.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

One E-mail you never like to get. "Possible Lice Problem"

I opened my email yesterday to find in my in box:

"Possible Lice Problem" in the header from the Jr. High Youth Group leader.  This is not a heading I want to see, like to see or ever really want to see again.  Inside the email is a very pleasant, Hey All, one of the campers found they had some lice.  Please have your children checked.  Wash all their stuff in hot water and so on.  Sorry for the bad news.  It should be fine though! (For you!  You don't have to check all these kids hair brush it out and make sure everything they touch gets washed in hot water!  Or listen to the whining when you are using a comb that would pull the smallest knot like it was a dreadlock.)

Bugs! I hate bugs especially ones that infest themselves in your home and have the potential to make my life very uncomfortable with my special guy who would come unglued if we had that problem in his hair.   I immediately look through the child's hair to make sure I see no critters or critter eggs!  YUCK!!!!  Then everything and I mean everything he had touched or went to camp went in the washer on extra hot with extra soap.  Did I mention I hate bugs?  Reminded me of having carpet beetles, they are why I don't have carpet in my home.(shiver, I hate those nasty little creatures) 

Amidst my freak out, I start hearing from my friends.  I'm not the only one on the edge here.  Thankfully I'm not having the biggest freakout.  According to my dear friend.  They had been planning another camp for their kids but were informed that there were special people at the camp who could not be exposed to head lice because they spread disease and should not be around people who have had cancer or other major surgeries, because head lice can kill you!  (Seriously?)  Okay I almost fell over laughing. 

You have to be kidding me! 
"No they totally believe that they can kill cancer, heart and transplant patients."
SWL(shaking with laughter)  Oh my,  I guess I know how to get out of going places now!  I have lice!  They will get you!!!
"This came from a nurse."
No.  No it didn't.
"It totally did!"
I'm not sure I want anyone in the medical profession touching me again anytime soon.
"I may need to start my own blog!  A medical alert blog for the stupid people who believe everything on wikipidia and YouTube."
I would totally read that.  But you know its going in mine.  I never thought I would have to say duh head lice won't kill you!
I have really never heard of head lice carrying diseases.  They are annoying, itchy and gross, but diseases.  Come on.  So before I decided to post this, I went to the center of disease control and a few other websites.  All of which state, "head lice do not carry disease and there has been NO research evidence to support that they do."  Lesson here, do your research before freaking out, why?  Really, so you don't get made fun of to the general public on a blog.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Your kid jumped from a 45 foot cliff....

I got my oldest boy back yesterday!  Yay!  He has been gone for a total of three weeks this summer at different camps and vacations.  I'm done.  He needs to stay home for a while.  When the little boys and I went to pick him up yesterday we couldn't get there fast enough.  I stalled them with a  trip to Target, Taco Bell, and then the I have to go to the bathrooms started so I went to my friends house to wait for my boy to get home. 

While waiting we thought having a picnic on the grass sounded like a great idea.  That's where we started, in the grass.  We ended up in the driveway when the sprinklers went off and we had to drag all our stuff from the grass to the driveway.  As a nice neighborhood lady was walking by trying not to laugh herself sick at my antics of grabbing as much stuff from the sprinkled area to the driveway while Adam screamed "hurry up mommy!!!"  Like I was really thrilled about getting soaking wet to save his taco. 

A few minutes later the vans started pulling up and out emerges 15 to 20 kids and parents.  Half of whom appear to be bathed in dirt and stink.  Ahh the joys of camp.  Our Jr. High Youth leader got out of the van came over and said "your son is awesome!  He jumped off a 45 foot cliff!"  That does not surprise me.  He is my child after all.  Fortunately everyone was so busy getting the cars unloaded and it was getting dark that no one noticed I was soaking wet.  :-)

My crazy child has bruises from rock climbing, paint ball, and jumping out of a raft to ride a rapid called baby rattlesnake free style, which apparently isn't that common.  When asked which camp he liked better this year, he said Kidder Creek all the way!(That was camps, when compared to his other vacation, he said they were about the same in being awesome and he'd do both again)  Thanks to all the parents and leaders for taking him!