Thursday, May 31, 2012

Math with eggs can get messy!

 My lovely friend brought me Starbucks this morning.  Cause she loves me and knew it was going to be a long day of work and school for me.  So sweet.  As we were sitting having coffee and chatting Corbin my sleep giggler decided he to do some math. 

C:  Nine minus two equals seven!

Z:  Corbin!  What are you doing?

C:  Math. (As he is removing the eggs from the container and putting them on the kitchen table.)

Z:  Math with eggs might get a little messy!

C:  I'm hungry and I'm doing math.

Me:  I guess you want eggs for breakfast.

Apparently he was hungry enough to get the eggs out of the refrigerator while I wasn't looking and count how many eggs he wanted to eat and how many were left.  I'm so glad my mom had them the rest of the morning.  Hee Hee. 

Sleep giggling leads to morning mayhem

Six o'clock in the morning......I hear giggling......I hate that there are two 6 o'clocks and one of them occurs in the morning. I try to block that fact as often as possible.  Why is there giggling in the boys room?  Must get up and look, I don't want to get out of my warm bed to find out why there is giggling this early.  It will be nothing but trouble, I know.  So I get my warm self out of bed, put my warm feet on the cold floor and go investigate.  What do I find?  Corbin giggling in his sleep.  Oh, this does not bode well for the day.  Cute yes.  I know that if he is giggling in his sleep he is plotting against me already.  Hee Hee, I guess he's plotting against my mother who is watching him today.....

An hour and a half later I hear rummaging in the kitchen. (Oh yes, I went back to my warm bed.  That floor was cold!)  Its time to get up anyway.... 

Me:  Corbin.....What are you doing?

C:  Eating.

Me:  You are having Doritos for breakfast?

C:  No mom.  I'm having Doritos for a snack.

Welcome to my day.  I dare not ask, "What else could happen."  Because I know the screw up fairy will appear and show me how good I have had it till now.  Stay away fairy....Stay away!

Friday, May 25, 2012

Tooth Fairy Issues.....

The Tooth Fairy....Who came up with this concept?  Really, why do we as parents do this to ourselves?  Oh!!!!  Such a good idea!  Tell the kids to put their newly lost tooth under their pillow and some Fairy will come into the house and take the tooth and leave them money! So what is supposed to happen when they actually loose the tooth they lost and then the next day re-find that tooth in the car and start freaking out????

Day 1:

Sitting so sweetly (this is Corbin so sitting at all is sweet) at the table doing his school work and chewing on a Starburst, Corbin looks up at me, spits out his tooth, and ever so calmly says, "look mom I lost my tooth."

It was one of the silver ones.  One of my nightmares that plays over and over of him getting that tooth fixed.  I'm so glad its gone!!! 

Me:  Okay, Zach can you put it in the car when you go out there so we don't loose it.

Zach:  Okay.  (okay when an 11 year old is in the midst of all his friends is like saying "yeah mom I will do that....NOT!".)

When we got home the freak out began....

C:  Mom!! I lost my tooth!

Me:  I know that's great baby!

C:  No!!!!  I can't find my tooth!!  Its gone.  It will never come back!  The tooth fairy will never come again!!! (Can you say drama?  He doesn't get that from me.)

Z:  It's not a big deal you just lost it. 

Me:  Z if you don't stop you are going to make it worse!!!(please stop telling him stuff it just makes him more anxious!!!!  Then we all have to deal with more drama and really isn't there enough of that already without adding to it?)

At this time I am on the phone with my mother who brilliantly says "Give Zach the phone"

As Zach gets off the phone we hatch a plan to hide a rock wrapped in tin foil in a bag and put it under Corbin's pillow.  Good idea right?  Right...That's what grandmother told us to do. 

Me:  Corbin look Zach found it! (I blame this whole thing on the 11 year old and my mother, its more fun that way.)  I'm going to put it under your pillow, don't mess with it anymore, Okay?

C:  Okay mom.

Day 2

C:  Mom!  The tooth fairy left me a Golden Dollar.  I am so happy!!! 

Me:  I'm so glad for you love!

Sitting in the car 4 hours later......

C:  MOM!!!!!  MY TOOTH IS HERE!!!!  The tooth fairy didn't give me a golden dollar it gave me a silver one! (where this logic comes from who knows.  I stopped asking and go with it.) Now she has to come again and give me a golden dollar!!!!

Me:  Corbin its fine.  The tooth fairy left you the right dollar she just didn't get your tooth.

C:  NO!!!!  She got a rock!!!(how the heck did he know?  Little monster!)

Me:  Its okay.  We will fix the problem take a deep breath.  (Inside my thoughts are what the heck am I going to do?  Really why does he have to be so smart?  Oh yeah cause the alternative is stupid....)  So I start calling his father....Do you have anymore golden dollars? 

Dad:  No....(he gets on the phone with Corbin)  Corbin, you don't get another dollar just because you found the tooth.  The tooth fairy doesn't like to be tricked so you better put it under your pillow again so she can take it back with her. (How much therapy is Corbin going to need later by us telling him the tooth fairy doesn't like to be tricked.....Especially when his mother and brother did the tricking.  Sigh.  Well, I have said for years, if they aren't in therapy by twenty I haven't done my job.)

C:  Yeah she doesn't like rocks. (Really?????)

Day 3

C:  Mom, the fairy took my tooth. I'm sorry you were right it was the correct dollar I received, I was wrong.  (He's 7 and already light years ahead of most men.  I hope he can keep that phrase for later in his life.) 

Wikipedia says:
In early Europe, it was a tradition to bury baby teeth that fell out. When a child's sixth tooth falls out, it is a custom for parents to slip a gift or money from the tooth fairy under the child's pillow, but to leave the tooth as a reward. Some parents also leave trails of glitter on the floor, representing fairy dust.

In northern Europe there was also a tradition of tann-fé or tooth fee, which was paid when a child lost their first tooth.[6] This tradition is recorded in writings as early as the Eddas, which are the earliest written record of Norse and Northern European traditions.

Parents tend to view the myth as providing comfort for children in the loss of their tooth.[5] Research finds that belief in the tooth fairy may provide such comfort to a child experiencing fear or pain resulting from the loss of a tooth.[9] Mothers especially seem to value a child's belief as a sign that their "baby" is still a child and is not "growing up too soon".[5] By encouraging belief in a fictional character, parents allow themselves to be comforted that their child still believes in fantasy and is not yet "grown up".[

Okay fine, its comforting for the kids.......But lets just add one more stress to parents.  I asked Zach two days ago when he figured out that the tooth fairy wasn't real....When my last two teeth came out and it took a week for the fairy to remember.  Whoops, bad mommy!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Ms. Flamik I made a bet with my friend

Driving over to our weekly co-op today we had an extra child with us.  He happens to be one of my favorites.  I have a few but this one makes me laugh hard every time he comes over.  So sweet and a little evil. 

Ms. Flamik....


Zach's birthday is on the day that the world is supposed to end.

Yes.  Yes it is.

So what are we going to do to celebrate Zach's birthday if we aren't all here?

I guess we will have to start the party the day before.

That's cool!  Then there was a moment for contemplation.......Ms. Flamik  I made a bet with my friend.

Really?  What was that love?

I bet him ten dollars that the world wouldn't end on the 21st.  He's kind of dull.....See if we don't die on the 21st then he owes me $10.00.  If we do die on the 21st, well we will be dead so he won't get $10.00.

Zach:  That's like Heads I win Tails you loose.  That's awesome.....He fell for that? 


At this point I can't stop laughing.  It takes some serious thinkers to put that together at this age. 

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Dog? Really?

Thirteen plus years ago when we got our dog I swore two things.  One I wasn't taking care of her and two I wasn't looking for her when she got lost.  Ah another moment where God says ha ha!  You're going to do both.   Matty is a good dog, she has endured all the boys chewing on her ear, putting pens where pens just don't belong, and being generally tormented.  So, I do what I said I would never do, I take care of her and tonight I looked for her when she escaped. 

About 1am I get the nose nudge.  You know she walks up to the bed and nudges you with that wet nose in the arm.  Fortunately it wasn't the face.  "let me out mom.  I gotta go!" 

Fine.  Grumble, grumble. So I open the back door, crawl back in bed and start to fall back to sleep.  When the cat starts to meow.  Where is the dog?  Why isn't she chasing the cat away so I don't have to deal with him too?  You know I don't really do getting woken up well.  Ever.  Doesn't matter when I have gone to sleep.  If you wake me up I am groggy and annoyed.  I let the cat in and put him in the garage, he pees all over if he's in the house so he can come through the house just not stay in it for any length of time.  Again, I think where is that dog?  I want to go to sleep and I can't shut the back door till she comes back.  So I look outside.  Nothing seems out of place.  Hummm.  Still not back.  Now I get dressed and put some shoes on.  I'm thinking well maybe she's had a stroke and is dead in the yard.  (It could happen.  And I'm not awake!)  Oh no.  She went out the back gate.  Crap. 

So begins the dog hunt.  I look in my car for about 20 minutes and then make the phone calls. Roseville PD puts her on their most wanted list and I head out on foot this time on foot.  I think I walked about 2 miles. (can I skip kickboxing tomorrow?) Nothing.  No sign of our rotten dog anywhere.  Discouraged, cold, and limping, I came home to get the truck and look a little further out.  Stupid Dog!  Driving around the area at night I'm sure if there were thugs about I didn't see them but I probably scared them and half the neighborhood yelling for the dog!  I finally decided to go another direction and what to my wondering eyes should appear?  Matty dog, run limping down the street(she had arthritis and she's old, but it still takes a car to catch her). 
She had this look like "What?  I was just down at Jack in the Box.  What's the big deal?"  GRRRR!    What's the big deal??  I just spent two and a half hours looking for your stupid doggy self that's what's the big deal.  At this point I realize that I just yelled at a dog who had no clue what I was yelling and could care less that I was angry.  Now I believe it is bed time.  All done. 

Monday, May 14, 2012

I like painting. Code for I am painting and there is not a thing you will do about it.

Today is a work day for me.  I have two or three major meetings that I have to be at.  So the boys dad is here watching them.  He has Mondays off so I generally schedule anything I can't have the kids around for on Monday mornings.  I am currently between meetings so I came back home to check in and have lunch with my lovelies.  After lunch I walk into the front room to help Mr. Z with an internet issue.  Due to our internets awesome fear of me it had repaired itself. 

As I am looking around I notice some things. 

1.  The paint supplies appear to be out and open.
2.  The poster board that was blank this morning is no longer blank.
3.  It is not confined to just one area of the room.

See photos.

Ummm.  G?????  What were you doing while I was gone?

What do you mean?

Well, apparently the children were painting.


See picture 2.  So this is still kinda wet......

What???  They were outside most of the time!

Apparently not.

Wait wait......Corbin did say "I like painting."

Yes.  Yes he does.  So lets all take the newest note that if Corbin says "I like painting" you might want to get up and see what he is painting.  Let us not forget earlier lessons if he says "I'll be in my room."  That is code for check the house and yard for any and all major issues that could be happening.  If the words "I like matches" are said run like you are on fire because the house probably is.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mothers Day

Ah, Mothers day.  The annual day you tell your mom she did a great job. (For my mom especially with what she was working with, monster children).  Thanks mom for not dumping us in Sprig Lake when we were kids and running like you were on fire to get away from us!

Today was like any other day.  Mostly. 

Z:  Morning mom
Me:  Morning (I'm not chatty before I have had coffee and a second to think about the day)
Z:  Happy Mothers Day
C:  Is it mothers day?  Man....Can't it be over yet?
Z:  It just started.
C:  Darn it.  Happy Mothers Day mom.

This is just the beginning.
At church Adam didn't want to go to his class so he sat with me and kissed me the whole service.  He's so cute, sweet, and slimy.  The best gift ever!  

After the service was over I went and got Zach and Corbin from their classes.  What did they have for me?  Hand made cards. 

Corbin, mom you are the best mom because you give me hugs.  That's what I said in my card.  Now give me one of those hugs.  (Awwww, Okay)  Now I'm getting a cookie move.  (and so went that sweet moment.)  But the card remains.....My mom has beautiful hair, blue eyes, her favorite thing to do is help me!  I like it when my mom hugs me!  My mom smiles when I clean up!  Love, Corbin

Zach has the same card.  True to his preteen age, the card is handed to me with a short "here" and the take off for the cookie table.  His says my mom has awesome hair (good boy) and blue eyes.  My mom's favorite thing to do is FUN!  I like it when my mom is cool!  My mom smiles when I have fun! 

Got to love my boys!  Best gifts I have ever gotten were them. (And maybe the trip to Europe) :-)

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Not more drama....Really stop getting hurt kids!

Yesterday was such a beautiful day.  The sun was shining, the pool was open, the kids were in the pool.......And bam.....

That is so gross!  There was blood running down his leg and this is what I see.  Really?  Why?  Can't you boys go one day without trying maim or kill yourselves?    Seriously? 

What happened? 

Got hit with a squirt gun in the pool.

What?  There aren't supposed to be plastic guns in the pool!

It wasn't a plastic one mom.

What was it?


It doesn't hurt mom.

You don't say?

From the peanut gallery:  Z its just a flesh wound.  You'll live!

Man I just got here.....Now I have to go home.

Adam and Sara are supervising hitting Zach in the head.  (does it hurt now?)

My dear friend, I'm not going to throw up, I might pass out.

High Ho High Ho off to the ER we go. 



Are you going to bring the claw into the ER?

Absolutely.  I'll tell them its like your security blanket.


Look Daddy's here.

Oh....Lets take a picture of it like a clawing accident.


Yes dear.

Don't hook the claw up to oxygen.  It can't breath.

You are no fun child!

So with a little super glue we were out of there just in time for me to get a text from my sweet friend who took the two little's for me:

Your son scared the crap out of me.  C man comes into the room, hand and face covered in blood, and said, look, somethings not right.  Then he tells her husband that he has bloody buggers but between the text and C man getting the bloody nose, I am shoving Mr. Z into the car and hitting the road so my dear friend remains my friend.  Good thing I don't have a problem with driving fast.  

I am hoping that today and just for today I will not have to deal with any issues that have blood, buggers, snot, or any other bodily fluid.  Please children stop getting hurt or I'm going to stick you in a bubble for a day just so I can relax.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Why is your mouth blue?????

Getting ready for bed tonight was entertaining as it seems is the usual around here. 
Adam - Dinosaurs are going to kill me.

Me - They don't exist.

Zach - ANYMORE mom.
(grrrrrrr, seriously child lets not encourage your brother to be afraid of something that no longer lives!)

Adam - Oh....Then butts are going to kill me.

I looked at Zach puzzled.....

Me - Did he just say.....

Zach -  Adam, butts aren't going to kill you.......Though they could.......

Me - Stop!

Adam - Yeah they could.  (Why am I about to ask the 11 year old how that is possible?  I'm trying not to really hard)

Me - Adam go get your jammies on! (as he is running down the hall I turn to Zach)  Okay really?  How is a butt going to kill you?  (I had to ask right?)

Zach - Well if someone sits on your face you could suffocate.  And then what if they.....farted?  That would for sure kill you.  (OMG, how can I not be on the floor at this point is beyond me.)

Me -  Humm....interesting...Brush your teeth. (As I am saying this Corbin comes into the room with his mouth completely blue and his fingers too!)  Corbin!  WHAT did you eat that was blue?

Corbin - Nothing.

Me - Corbin what did you lick?  Zach check his room! 

Corbin -  Nothing.

Zach - Mom he licked the 3D coloring pad!

Me - Corbin did you lick that thing?

Corbin -  No........I licked my fingers then put them on the paper and erased the blue then I did it again.

STOP LICKING THINGS!!!!!!!  Go brush your teeth.  Good thing that stuff is nontoxic!  Time for bed.  Mommy is done.

Monday, May 7, 2012

My little Horse Whisperer

Out at the ranch we keep our horse on they breed horses.  Currently there are at least 7 babies out there.  When we got to the ranch today our trainer suggested we have a field trip out to see the little ones.  Literally we walked out into the field, with Adam complaining about the horse poop every step of the way.

Some of the babies seemed so new they were barely walking.  My understanding is that most babies do not like people and are untrusting.  Not these guys.  One little foal walked right up to us and stood there with the boys who pet and even poked her. 

When we started to walk away Corbin looked back and said "come on guys!"  I will be darned if those little guys didn't start following him all the way to the gate!  When mama got a little ticked and thought her baby was going to go home with us.  I slid Adam through the fence and the rest of us quickly slipped through the gate to avoid irate mama.  That was the end of our "field" trip.


We were driving the other day and listening to Say Hey (I Love You)by Michael Franti & Spearhead on the radio and one of the lines says something about how the more that we see the less we know.  Zach leans over and says "you know that's true mom."
Whats that?

"Well if you are paying attention in the world and really seeing it, you see something new that you know nothing about almost every minute you are awake."

Hummm.  Yup you are right. (Where did I get this kid?  Really?)

So today when Adam started answering Zach's geometry questions I just shook my head and kept teaching.  Apparently they come from the same source and I should be grateful they are going to out smart me before they hit puberty.