Monday, July 30, 2012

Wake Up Mom! Go Back to Bed Mom!

This morning I was awakened by the Rooster of the family.  Since Corbin was little he has never required much sleep.  This can be problematic when I want to watch a show, work or anything else at night.  It happens to be much worse in the morning when he gets up at 5:30 and decides the rest of the family, dog included need to get out of bed.  This was one of those mornings.

C:  MOM!!!! MOM!!! MOM!!!!!

What? (whispered in that tone of whisper only a mother can have that says, someone better be dead.)



C:  Because I said so!

Corbin, I suggest if you do not need anything at the moment you go in your room, find a puzzle or a book and either put the puzzle together or read your book.

C:  Fine.....ADAM!!! GET UP!!


C:  Fine.....Get up mom.


At this point Adam is starting to sleep talk.  He is my child, he likes to snuggle in the morning and rest for just a little longer.

A:  Go to bed mama, I'm still tired.

That's my boy.

In the mean time I start hearing noises from the bathroom....Seriously?  What is he doing now?  I'm still tired!  It is 6:30 in the morning, a time I wish didn't exist, and I hear plunking noises.  Now I know that its not someone breaking in the house in which case I would call Corbin to me lock the doors and call the police.  (I have seen one too many horror movies in recent months)  I get up to find that Corbin is putting a puzzle together in the bathroom.

What are you doing?

C:  You told me to put a puzzle together.  There's better light in here...

Okay then....If I could have, I would have crawled back in bed at that moment.  Ah, but no once I am fully awake I am awake.  Rotten little rooster!

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

It's really just a snack mom.....

Let me warn you before you start reading......WARNING you are reading a post by a mom who has had less than three hours sleep and is a little silly.....You have been warned.

Last night, while putting the kids to bed the little boys started asking for a snack.  Anything to get out of having to say our prayer and got to sleep right?  Right.  Since I needed to work last night I wasn't willing to play the games of I need a snack and some water and one more story. ( Please refer to Samuel Jacksons book...Go the bleep to sleep, as your reference for how I was feeling last night.)  I finally gave in when they asked if they could have a snack in the morning.  Sure, fine, whatever!  GO TO SLEEP!!!!!!!  Oh, I really need to pay more attention to what they believe a snack is in the future.

Corbin woke up early this morning.

Mom, I want my snack now.

Me in my dazed I just went to bed 2 hours ago stupor.."Sure, get your snack."

Mom, you know it's not just a bar.

Me:  Okay.  (still mostly asleep)

Mom, you know it's not candy either.

Me:  Fine.

It's a bar.......and it has candy in it.  But it's not candy.  Its a candy bar mom and you know it's really just a snack mom.

In a sleep deprived moment, I said huh?  Fine go have your snack! 

That is how Corbin got a chocolate bar for breakfast.  Note to self make sure to be awake before telling children to go have their snacks that they have described in detail to make sure you know what they are eating so you can't yell later about them eating a candy bar for breakfast at 6 in the morning.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Performace Day! Yay!!! Its done!

Ah!  My favorite day!  Show day!  The day where it all comes together for better or for worse.  Not bad ladies and gentlemen, not bad!  It was quite fun and the kids did as expected.  No one licked, hit, bit, pushed anyone off stage or put their hands down their pants.  I call that a win!  There was lots of waving and smiles.  Happy parents, happy kids. 

After the show we picked up one of Zach's friends and went swimming.  Yay for my friends who invited us for swimming and dinner too!  I didn't have to cook!  On the way over to our friends the following conversation occurred.

Ms. Flamik???
Me:  Yes?

When you grow up and get old will you stop driving fast?

Me:  Did you just ask me about growing up and getting old?

Yeah and driving fast too.

Zach:  She will never stop driving fast.  That's why she can't have the Camaro she wants, she says she can't afford the tickets.  (Smart boy)  Oh, and she's never going to be old and drive slow...Have you seen my Grandmother?  (Oh that boy is so cute and brilliant.  Already knows how to skirt an issue and add a compliment....He will go far.)

Me: (laughing)  Ummmm What do you think?

Zach's right you're never going to grow up....Or drive slow.  (ROFLOL)

Friday, July 20, 2012

For my friend who still thinks this story is funny....BLAH!

I am reminded again tonight of the ridiculous experiences I tend to have in my life.  Some of my experiences seem pretty normal, I just am abnormal and laugh at them and some of them are so off the wall that even I stare in stunned silence at the insanity that either surrounds me or that I directly cause.  From children who lick trash cans at Great America, Krispy Kream sugar highs, and yes of course the notorious car accident I had last year. 

Last year I was in a car accident where both cars were totaled, no one was hurt except for our being humiliated at the situation.  This was brought up tonight due to the fact that the person in the car next to us was swerving into our lane due to texting.  Let me just say don't text while driving not everyone around you is paying attention, they are all texting too.  Sigh, and thus brings up the car accident. (My friend laughing hysterically at the whole incident, telling me I need to blog that one.)

I was driving to a moms meeting when I got a phone call from my friend who was going to the same meeting and she was lost.  I was using my headset, so I thought I was being safe. (Ha!)  I was also using my phone as a GPS.  Can you say multitasking while in the car is stupid?  My shoulder does now.  I get the call and am trying to tell my friend where the meeting is and I go through a very yellow light.  The car in the other intersection does not look in the intersection before entering it she just sees the green light and goes.  (How do I know this?  Because I was on the phone with her!)  I can't stop.  I am yelling at her to stop...because shes really going to know its me trying to hit her!

ME:  STOP!!! STOP !!
I just got hit!

ME:  I know I just hit you!!!

Your joking right?

ME:  No, I'm not joking.  I'm hanging up now. 

K bye!

We get the cars pulled over and the police show up.  Now mind you I think at this point we are delirious because we are laughing so hard.  The police show up push her car out of the way and then leave without siting either of us.  Why?  Because we are obviously friends and we both have insurance and they have better things to do than to sit with a bunch of women (by this point we have a few more moms from our group who had driven by  and stopped to make sure we were okay) who were laughing so hard at the stupidity of our situation.  Bless the cops for leaving.  I have to say my friend got a new car and a vacation out of the deal and I got my Suburban.  Really not the way to get new cars though.  Also, an accident like this...You can never ever live down, because no one ever can believed I actually hit my friend.  The good news, my friend and I are still friends and I bought her a GPS for her birthday, she doesn't call me and ask me for directions anymore.    

Bye bye Mercedes with no airbag.

Day 5...It is almost finished!

Ahh!  Day 5 of camp and I am ready to be tucked into bed for the next week.  Day five is always the stress day.  Do they have their lines memorized, can they get on stage without killing each other, do they know the songs????  The answer is yes and no.  Something this big means something will go wrong.  Someone will drop their lines, (this isn't Broadway darlings, this is Granite Springs Music and Drama camp) the kids will push each other getting on and off the stage, and while on the stage and they will all forget their songs.  I have found that when Sunday comes these kids pull off a miracle.  They can do it and if they forget something that's why we sit on our knees on the floor in front of them, to give them a little help. 

We have quite the squirrely crowd this year so on the stage I said everything from:

Do not give Indian burns to her!

Stop shoving her between you!

Don't pull her hair!

Don't lick that!

Get your hands out of your pants please....(As I am exiting the stage my dear sweet friend brought over the hand sanitizer.  It looked like you might need this...Even if you didn't touch him....It made me need some just watching!)

Ahhh!  The beauty of teaching a group of 70 kids from K-6 grade.  You never know what you are going to have to say.  I can always guarantee that I will have to say something that I never thought I would say!

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Day 4....Is it nap time yet?

Day 3 and 4 are always the hardest to get through.  The week does feel like its flying by, but really I got home today and just wanted silence.  Don't get me wrong the kids were great today.  I had one incident of a child scowling at me.

Me:  Do you think that look is telling me something?
Boy: (Just a deeper scowl)
Me:  Ha!  All that tells me is that I am doing my job.
Boy:  (Surprised look, like really me giving you the evil eye isn't affecting you?)
Me:  I love my job. (evil grin and all)
Boy:  Started laughing. 

 Silly boy.  Sticks and stones can break my bones and words are potentially harmful but a look....Please..I earned that look and am proud to say that if you are mad at me after you were acting out and I called you on it,  I have officially done my job. 

Other than that we had one licking incident which I am very pleased to say was not my child!  Whoo Hoo!  The day was good!

Music and Drama Camp Day 3....They still think the boys are cute...

Yay!  More music less drama today.  Though I did miss my co-teacher, I have to say that I got the best teen helpers ever!  No one got kicked, licked, or hit today.  Whoo Hooo!  Its a good day!

Apparently yesterday wasn't as good as I was lead to believe due to a mayonnaise issue for Corbin.  Today I was asked what he would and would not eat.  Good call. 

Adam, I am told is the cutest kid ever!  I am so glad his teachers love him.  It makes it easier for me to teach and not worry about what he is doing....stabbing people with swords, taking a little nibble from behind, smacking them for being mean to one of his brothers.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Music and Drama Camp...Day Two

"Your boys are so quiet and focused."

Huh?  I think you have the wrong children.....Have you read my blog?

"Seriously, they are so good and sweet."

Seriously????  Are we talking about the same child I told could not lick, bite, or nibble his teen helper from yesterday?


Aliens again... They keep taking my children and replacing them with angels.  Then I get them home....and what do they do?  They turn the hose on and make mud in the back yard, trip each other in it and come screaming like banshees into the house.....  Yup...I've done my job, they are good everywhere but home where they shouldn't have to be on their best behavior after a day of being angels....We all have a little naughty side that has to be tamed on occasion...Me, I use kickboxing as my stress management.  Them, mud puddles.  Its all good.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Music and Drama Camp Day One

Every year we do a Music and Drama camp at church.  I have taught the last 7 years.  There have been so many changes in our lives, I was reluctant to teach this year....I was conned by the sweet ladies of the church who said the kids would miss my daily change of hair color and crazy stories.

Ahhh... Poor things didn't realize I have even crazier stories now and to top it off I have a claw to bring in on the festivities.  (Check out the Where are Claws Page on Facebook for pictures.)

I have to say today was a great day.  Exhausting.  I forget how much energy it takes to teach 18 8 and 9 year old's but with the right helpers (which I have) it is really a great experience.  I only had a few children I actually had to say something  I never thought I would have to say.

Corbin, you may not bite, chew or lick Emily.

Now you think I would only have to say this to my child as it seems to be the theme of my life to tell my children to stop licking and biting things.  Nope.  As we are standing in the corner of the church my friend and I look over and notice one of the children rigorously licking the bottom of his shoe.  I almost yelled over the music "STOP!!!!!"  He didn't stop and proceeded to investigate the bottom of his shoe and lick again.  By the time I got to him it was all I could do to hold my laughter inside and tell him to "stop licking the bottom of your shoe!"  It appears that this licking thing is not just occurring in my house but in many other houses too.  Good to know I'm not the only one with licking issues. 

Friday, July 13, 2012

Super Heros, Aliens, and Demi Gods Oh My!

It's Friday!  Yay!!!!  Friday the 13th.  Not a bad day over all.  Only one bloody nose caused by a basketball to the face, one mention of not licking something, one occurrence of watching my friend wait for a fly to land in her trash can so she could take it out with her trash(I am not alone in my strange ways, I have friends...You should be afraid, very afraid!), oh and seeing The Amazing Spider Man. 

I asked the kids what they wanted to do today since normally we would have plans but today they were canceled.  I got all kinds of suggestions.  By the time they decided they wanted to go bowling we had already left the house to pick up some friends, and wouldn't you know it (God was on my side) there were no socks in the car.  So the decision of what to do was easy.  We shall got to the movies.  Corbin decided on Spider Man and all the big kids were happy.  After the decision was made one of the extra kids asks me:

Ms. Flamik, did you ever notice that none of the superheros are naturally hero's?  They are all genetically modified.

Me:  What about Thor?

He's an Alien.

Zach:  Noooooo get it right he's a Demi God.

Doesn't the church preach against other God's?

Zach:  (Big Sigh)  Hes not a God.  He only has powers like a God.  Really it's not an issue.  There is only one big God  how is he supposed to get stuff done without minions.(I think we need to have a conversation but somehow minions seem to be like angels only a more updated and ridiculous way of interpreting them.)

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Felix The Cat Has Moved On To The Chicken Coop In The Sky

Today I had to put our cat, Felix, down.  He had a tumor in his mouth that was infected and really not good.  The vet and their assistants were so nice and kind. I am ever grateful they did not try to sell me on some sort of cancer cure for a 14 year old outdoor cat.

My mom adopted Felix 14 years ago to keep her evil cat Demi company.  Within two years she found that not only did Demi not adjust to Felix, she attacked him every chance she got, but Felix sprayed the whole house every chance he got(Demi was just defending her masters house....No she was just being evil that's what she is.).  When she moved out of Gilroy my mom decided that Felix the cat had to go.  (read here sucker tattooed on my forehead)  I felt sorry for the cat so I said I would let him be an outdoor cat at my house but he would never come in for more than a jog from the back door to the garage when it was raining outside.  This is how he lived for the last twelve years.

Questions the vet was required to ask made me think people take this stuff very seriously.    "Do you want to be there with him?" No, no thank you. Do you see me? I have to go home and tell my boys who were crying before I left that their cat is dead, so no I do not need any more trauma in my life. I have seen my share of dead animals, I choose to skip it this time! "Do you want the ashes?" I am sorry now if offend someone, NO I don't want dead animal ashes in my house. What am I supposed to do with them?  My luck Corbin would break into them and dig around and bury stuff in them and then lick his fingers!   EEEEWWW! No thank you!   Go ahead and group cremate him and spread the ashes over the Sierras....Guess where the biggest pet cemetery in the world is?!  That's right the Sierra mountains, so the animals can be at one with nature.  YIKES!  Good think ashes can't become zombies!

When I got home, I gathered my boys up and we talked about Felix and told them that he was in heaven with Papa.  Adam who was crying before I left was kind of like "Oh, its okay then.  He's with Papa.  Its all good. Can we get another cat today?" (NOOOOOO!!!!!) Zach was upset but kind of looked at me like yeah you told me before you left..."Can I go play my video games now?"   Corbin was angry and upset.  As soon as Adam mentioned another cat he was all on board.  Again, NOOOO!
I was somewhat surprised about the reaction many of our friends and neighbors had to the news.  I mean really he was just a cat.  Apparently he was the neighborhoods cat not just our cat, which was good for him because I am not really good at showing pets affection.  So I paid for the food and vet bills and the neighbors and friends gave him the attention.  He was a good kitty.  He tolerated so many things and did so many things that made us laugh over the years.

He would roll in and out of the perimeter of the shock collar line to see if he could get the dog to shock herself.  (Smart cat!) Worked 9 times out of 10.

"Corbin!  Why did you throw the cat?"
"To see if he would land on his feet!"
"DON'T THROW THE CAT!"  He never scratched him, bit him or even hissed at him.  I would have!

Don't pick the cat up by his tail!

Felix! Don't lick my toes and then bite them!  Weird cat!

Don't lick the cat and bite him!

The neighbors added to that that if you told him to stay off the patio furniture he would.  One of the neighbors daughters would drag him by his back feet to where she wanted him to go and he would let her and hold still when she poked and pet him.  (Maybe not so smart...)

And my favorite and one of the many things I have blogged about in the last few months., "the garage smells like meatloaf."

Thankfully, my garage will not smell like meatloaf again any time soon.(I hope!  Please?!)  It would be very hard to replace a kitty who tolerated all that, poor kitty.  Good thing I don't have to!  :-)

Monday, July 9, 2012

Starbucks is Crack for kids.

On occasion, I have resorted to bribing my children with Starbucks when taking them shopping.  Today was one of those days.  My dear friend Jennifer texted me this afternoon to see if I would go look at home decorations with her.  We had nothing else going on so I said sure as long as you don't mind I have the little boys with me. 

Off we went to Target, Kohl's and Big Lots.  About half way through Target I told the boys that if they would behave I would get them a double chocolate chip frapachino.  (I just really like to say that....It just sounds like its really big.) 

Halfway through his drink Corbin decided he didn't want his anymore.  Adam said I'll take it for you!  This is why I have a picture of my small child walking through Big Lots double fisting Starbucks drinks.  I thought maybe he was going to hyperventilate from sucking so hard on both straws at the same time and starting to make silly noises.  At that moment I turned to Jen and said "Starbucks is like crack for kids!"  Of course the other part is, I again fed my children a large amount of sugar and the bouncing off the walls began!   Thank god for horseback riding!


My Zach has been gone for a week and then I was gone for 3 days and now he's gone again at a tennis tournament.  Which is great.  Except I miss the little brat.  Even when he informed me this morning that "Yeah, mom your a little crazy.....That's better than parents who are just strict and boring."  Backhanded compliments he is good at not unlike most preteens.

As he is leaving the house today his brothers start their normal routine of seeing who can punch who without mom seeing and giving them both a time out.  With a gleam in his eyes my 11 year old says,

"Good luck mom!"  and runs from the house like he's on fire. 

Maybe that's from the look of pure evil in my eyes as I looked at him and said, "Thanks!  I will get you!"  Oh the possibilities of things that will come for him.   How did he grow up so fast. I don't ask where he got his humor from anymore.  I just look in the mirror sigh and think of what my poor mother had to deal with when I was a child. 

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Tooth Bugs

As I am driving home from picking the boys up today Corbin asked for some candy.  Silly me I had Mamba's in the car.  I agreed and gave him and Adam a piece.  They don't last long so less than two minutes later I hear "can I have some more candy please?" 



The sugar bugs are going to eat your teeth if you have too much candy.

The sugar bugs?

Yes, the nasty little creatures that cause cavities in your mouth.

Oh!  Yeah!  They are definitely having a party in my mouth with all the sugar I have eaten in the last few days.  (Oh! Really?!)

That is why you have to brush them.

I think I'll let them finish their party and then brush them away.  It seems kinder that way.

(Did he really just say that?  Yup!)   Okay, but don't let them have too much of a party in there.

Or, I'll have to go to Smile Island Dentist again?


Okay, I'll cut their party short. ( I missed my boys!)