Friday, March 30, 2012

Adam, really?

Adam, put the silverware away please.


Adam, you need to do your job.

"I'm too tired."

Okay no mine craft for you today.

"I hate you!"

Really.  Too bad, put the silverware away anyway.

"No, no, no!!! I hate you!!!'

Okay.  So I picked him up and put him in my room for a time out.  My room because there are no toys in there and he hasn't figured out how to turn the PlayStation on yet.

A few minutes later I hear nothing......Silence is never a good thing.  So I go to see whats going on.

Little monster opened the back door and went outside.

Really??  If you wonder why I'm tired all the time, its because I'm trying to keep ahead of my children.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Field Trip with the Claw

Monday morning my sweet friend Snezhana needed a shopping partner to get ready for her upcoming trip to Hawaii.

I of course was more than happy to leave all the children with her husband and go to the mall for Teavana. 

One little thing, "Can I bring the claw?"

Of course! The claw needs a day of indulgence. So we started at Teavana for some yummy tea!

From there we headed to Gap Body for swimsuit shopping.
 This is totally the claws color.  And Snezhanas!  Beautiful!

Bath and body works was next.  The first place anyone has ever recognized and commented on the claw.  The lady behind the counter said, "I love your back scratchter!"  Then she asked if she got a prize for noticing the claw.  I wish I had thought of it but I had a pack of Jelly Bellies in my purse.  Oh well, another day!  Then off to Avedia for skin and hair care.

 Sees was delicious!
 Snezhana at Clair's!  She is such an awesome person!
 Louie Vuitton, don't you think the claw looks good with that bag?! 
This was the end to a great shopping experience with the claw!

Be specific, very specific.

When Zach was two we went to a friends birthday party.  They had a pond in the middle of their yard with fish inside.  There were 20 or 30 kids at this party and some of them started throwing rocks into the pond.  Zach threw some rocks and his father told him he couldn't throw them into the pond anymore.  When we turned around from a conversation to make sure Zach was okay we found him coaching another little boy into throwing rocks into the pond.  At this point I learned that with Zach I have to be specific, very specific in my directions and leave no loop holes or he will find them and exploit them. 

I tell this story as a comparison for what occurred in my bedroom this morning as we are getting ready for karate.

Me:  Adam brush your teeth and get your shoes or you are going to lose your iTouch.

Adam:  No! (he throws a back kick at me)

Me:  You may not back kick me.

Here comes the front kick.

Me:  You little stinker you may not throw any kicks at me no side kicks, back kicks, front kicks, chicken kicks, ax kicks, heel hook kicks, no kicking mommy!

He proceeds to show me his hand and say "I still have my punches."

Me:  No!  You may not punch me, no hooks, uppercuts, no punching, no back fists!

Adam:  Karate chop!

At this point I reflect that I have two children I need to close all loopholes with.  Sigh. 

Me:  NO!!! NO!! NO!!!  You are not allowed to use karate outside of karate class!

Zach:  Yeah Adam mom is going to tell Mr. Nunez on you!'

Adam then ran and screamed, brushed his teeth got his shoes on and got in the car.  Its so nice to have someone to tell on the boys to.  LOL

Sunday, March 25, 2012

I wonder why my children are the way they are.....I swear its their fathers fault.

I found these bookends a few weeks ago and texted my dear friend Jennifer so that I wouldn't buy them. This is what she texted back:

The question isn't who wants crocodiles as bookends. It's who wouldn't want them? Because they're made of awesome!

Then my friend Steph texted and asked how I left them behind.

I had no idea how I left them behind so I picked Jennifer up and headed back the Antique Troove to get them. 

When we arrived we realized that those awesome bookends were $20.00 each.  Yikes!  I like being entertained but not at that cost.  So as we looked further into the display there were matching back scratchers.  Not just any back scratchers.  No.  They were claws.  Better yet they were a matching pair and they were $6.00 each!  How could we resist?  We couldn't.

As we are walking towards the cashier we are discussing the fun places we can take our claws.  I realized they weren't just any claws.  No.

Me:  "Jen, these aren't just backscratcher claws.  They are BFF claws!  They are better than those stupid necklaces and charms, they match and everything!"

The sales man behind us started laughing and Jen proceeded to poke him with her claw!  Cause she's awesome!  He jumped and in that instant the claws paid for themselves with the amount of laughter it produced for us! 

Our day was far from over. No we had to take pictures of our new claws. Everywhere. Driving the car, then we went to the store and spent 45 minutes taking pictures of the claws trying on shoes, clothes and even household items.

Now here's the really funny part.  No one noticed us take over 100 pictures in the store.  No One. 

Our day with our claws was almost over.  We just needed to introduce them to our families.  The best comment and Jennifer's house was from the 13 year old who called us immature and her dear sweet husband who said "You paid how much for that????"  Thank you!  I take my claw home and I get neither of these comments.  My kids just looked at me and asked me if they could play with the claw too.  Then proceeded to poke each other with the claw.  I brought this on myself I realize but really I never thought I'd have to say    "Don't poke your brother with my BFF claw!" 

Thursday, March 15, 2012

How to shut a frog up Adam style.

Its 10:52 at night.  Adam fell asleep at 5:20.  He is wide awake.  Apparently so is Zachary due to the frogs in our backyard.

Zach says, "Mom, is Adam playing a video game.  Can you make the frog noises stop."

No honey the frogs are outside.

"How do you get them to stop?"

Adam is sitting eating some cereal, and he plops his hand down on the table hard.

Zach looks over and says "you think we should squish them?"


Adam, we don't squish frogs.

"yeah Adam, that's really messy their guts will come out all over your hands."


And this is how we roll at 11pm on a Thursday night when we should all be asleep.

I'll be in my room. Code for: I did something really wrong and am just going to take my time out now.

For those who have been over to our house during the summer our big little above ground pool is a great source of fun and entertainment.  If you haven't  been over come on over this summer.  The other night I noticed the pool filter sounded funny.  I have been so busy with Corporate taxes I didn't notice that the pool was a little low on water too. 

This afternoon I went outside to finally check on what the noise I'm hearing at night is and the pool was extremely low.  Scary low, like the filter was running air.  Oh man!  I started filling up the pool and went back to my office to work some more when I start hearing water overflowing.  No, no, no!  I open the back door to see the system that runs from the pool to the solar system is taken apart and the valve is turned to the on position and water is flowing out of the pool.  Corbin.  It has to be Corbin.  He has been playing outside all week. 

I go to pick him and his brothers up this afternoon and I say:

Corbin, were you messing with the pool?


Corbin, did you touch the pool valves and have water come out?


Corbin, why didn't you tell mommy that there was a problem with the pool?

"because I fixed it by putting my hand over the hole."  (in my head I'm thinking OMG if I laugh now he'll do it again)

Then what happened?

"It didn't work so I ran inside and said I'll be in my room"

Honey why didn't you tell me something was wrong with the pool?

"I said I'll be in my room"

Who did you say that to?

"me" says Zach from the back of the truck.

And you didn't tell me why? 

"I didn't think anything was wrong."

Okay Zach here is our lesson, if Corbin says I'll be in my room something big has gone wrong where ever he is and action is required immediately.

"okay mom"

My second lesson, when the pool pump sounds off well I should check it right away.  Much cheaper that way. 

Corbin next time there is something leaking from the pool can you come tell me?

"Sure mom.  I'll tell you, I'll be in my room."  Refer to lesson 1.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Mine Craft makes me wonder a little.

So Zach had a sleepover last night.  He and all his friends are playing a game called Mine Craft.  Even Adam has his own "world".  It makes me dizzy to look at this video game.  But they can play online with their friends in their own server that one of the dads has set up.  Even the dads are addicted to this game and now I know why. 

So as I'm sitting in the kitchen listening to the boys talking I hear:

Do you want to play?

Naa.  I need to learn how to kill things better.  Not that I'm bad at killing things.  I just need to get better.

Hummmm.  Okay then.  Mind you I'm laughing at this point quietly as the children never think I'm listening to them.

Hey, Hey don't forget the rotted flesh.

Did I just hear you right honey?  Did you just say don't forget the rotted flesh?

Yup.  After you kill the zombies you have to get their flesh.

Why do you need to get the zombie flesh?  (why am I talking to a 11 year old about zombie flesh?)

Just in case you get hungry.

Okay then.  That is just nasty my friend. 

No.  It is just life.

And so my morning begins.  Listing to small children kill things and eat dead zombie flesh.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Stop Rubbing Your Gum all over the car and other objects!

Yesterday I bought Corbin gum.  He has finally learned how to chew it with out swallowing the whole piece. 

This morning Corbin asked if he could have a piece before we left for karate class.  I saw no harm in allowing this to happen so I said yes.  My first mistake.

As we pull into karate I look in the rear view mirror and what do I see?  Corbin rubbing his gum all over the roof of the car.

"Corbin, stop rubbing your gum on my car!"

"yes mom" and he stuck his gum back in his mouth. Gross!

So I am telling all my friends in kickboxing about Corbin and his rubbing of the gum and I turn around to find him stretching his gum from his mouth to the heavy bag and rubbing the end of the gum on the bag.  Now that's some stretchy gum.

"Corbin!  Do not rub your gum on Mr. Nunez's equipment!"  And the gum gos back in his mouth again. 

Thank God that I kick box with all parents.  One said well, that's one way to keep from getting sick.

Like licking the trash can at Great America didn't do enough!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

But the Powdered Sugar is so Yummy

Making breakfast for the kidlets this morning.  I had two extras.  The request was I make doughnuts. 
(Corbin begged for a doughnut maker back in January and he never wants anything so I bought it for him with Kohls cash.)  So I make buttermilk doughnut's with powdered sugar.

I am making doughnuts and I hear this:

"Corbin!  Stop licking my plate!"

I turn around to find Corbin licking his brothers plate. 

"But its so yummy."

"Corbin don't lick your brothers plate."

"Okay mom."

He proceeds to lick one of the friends plates.

"Corbin!  Don't lick other peoples plates!!!"

Why do I have to be so specific?  Really Don't lick any one's plate!  EVER!!!  Sigh.  This is the second time I have had to say this in the last month.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

What is in your ear?

I got home Sunday afternoon after spending the night away from the boys and was squeezing Adam when I noticed there was something in his ear. 

As I looked closer there was green marker in his ear. 

"Adam, how did you get marker in your ear?"

"Corbin colored my ear" mind you Adam has a speech delay so it sounds like a garbled mess but I understood.

I turn to their father and say and you didn't hear about this or view this?  Nope.  Okay then.

"Corbin, you cannot color your brothers ear."

"but it looked good"

"No more coloring inside your brothers ear!"

"okay mom"

What makes an ear look like a good coloring place?

Friday, March 2, 2012

Write it down, your kids will like reading about themselves later.

Write it down, your kids will like reading about themselves later. (and as teenagers you can embarass them in front of their girlfriends with the things you have actually had to say to them.)  I have been asked more than once to start a blog and post the things I end up saying to my children, things I never imagined I would ever say to another human being. 

My top 5 are

Don't color your penis blue.

Stop licking the trash can at Great America!

Don't hit your brother with that frying pan!

Don't bite the dog!!!!!

Don't lick the floor!

Everyday brings something new that I never thought I would have to do or say.  Never say never, karma will make me eat those words every time!  You know when I was young and without kids I said I would never let my children sleep with me, I would never drive a mini van, and I would never have more than two kids.  I have eaten all of those nevers and done them all.  The lessons learned are these, I can't control anyone, especially my children, life will throw everything it has at you to see if you fall, if it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger, and never say never.