My Little Pony VS. Hello Kitty....

This afternoon was very quiet.  Two of the three boys went fishing with their dad.  Zach declined fishing for the opportunity of having some time with friends. (What teenager or preteen wants to hang with their parents anyway right?)  I did drag him to lunch with me and made him spend some quality time with me.  I found that my child that now refers to me as the ring leader of the "crazy club". (It started out as the psycho club but we had to discuss the meaning of psycho and he decided I was just crazy not psycho.)  Only the cool moms are in "club crazy".  Or that's what he told me to pacify my for calling me psycho and so that I would still pick up his friend.

The silence in the house was interrupted by screeches and screaming from two teenage boys.  I left my office to investigate and as I enter the living room I see on the TV, Hello Kitty and My Little Pony ripping each other apart. 

Is that really My Little Pony and Hello Kitty?

Boys:  Yeah isn't that cool!  They are ripping each others arms off.

Lovely.

Boy:  Yeah this game is really popular now.

Is that due to the immense Bronie and Pony population that seems to be forming.

Boys:  Yes, yes it is.

Seriously, those people are disturbed. 

Boy:  Zach ripped my arms and legs off and now we can't even fight anymore!  That's just awesome.

I'm going back to my office.  You two are scaring me.

At the dentist there is never a dull moment.

Over the years I have posted many things to face book and even recently to my blog.  The dentist is a major source of anxiety.  Not just my anxiety but Corbin's and the whole dental staff's.  The last few visits to the dentist have been anticlimactic.  Thank God!  No screaming till the dentist has to put in ear plugs and we leave the office in a sopping sweaty mess (no joke he would be drenched in sweat every time we left.) 

Today we went to have another tooth crowned for Mr. C.  Poor guy just can't catch a break.  As we are waiting for the tooth bugs to go to sleep the Assistant asked Corbin what he would like to watch on TV and started flipping through the channels.  When she gets to the Golf Channel, my child says there!  I want to watch golf.  The woman looks at me for clarification and I just shook my head, I don't know what he's doing.  She asked him if he really wanted to watch golf.

C:  Yeah, I watch golf all the time with my mom and my friend.

Really?  Then who's that guy on the screen?

C:  Oh him, that's Tiger Woods, he's the best golfer ever.

The assistant looked at me and I was just trying not to laugh.  Who knew he was actually watching the golf channel.  Yes its on in the house on occasion but I never thought he was paying attention to it let alone learning the names of the players and their rankings.  Some days that boy scares me. Guess I'm glad its the Golf Channel we are watching and not CSI, or something worse that would stick in that little guys brain. 

Castle Crashers....Worse content than Mine Craft

School work goes so much faster when my children are bribed with some sort of time on the Xbox.  This morning we have finished school and the boys have discovered a new game, Castle Crashers.  I have heard all sorts of comments from the boys while playing Mine Craft including:

Eat the zombie flesh.

Stop killing me.

That's what you get for killing too many pigs.

This morning I had new are you kidding me thoughts as I watched them play Castle Crashers.

Me:  Is that cat throwing up hair balls at you guys?

Zach: Yup!  There is bat that poops on us too.

Oh goodie.  This game is the perfect game for little kids into potty humor.

Me: Are you guys fighting over the princess?

Zach: Yeah, see we have to battle all together and then we have to fight each other to get the prize. Then unfortunately you have to kiss the prize.  That's so nasty.

Me: Okay so let me get this straight, after you have been pooped on, and puked on you get to fight for the princess to kiss you. 

Zach: EXACTLY!

I'm sorry that's just wrong.  On so many levels can I go to the wrongness of this game. But to hear all the boys playing the same game together laughing....Priceless. But still wrong. 

Nutritional Dinner?

The other day I was working with a friend and client on her taxes.  It was taking a little longer than usual, mostly because she is my friend and there is lots of catch up talking to be done.  The kids were getting hungry and restless and we weren't done.  This is the point where my friend issues the cooking challenge to her oldest son and mine.

"Boys create a nutritional dinner for the family.  You can only use stuff in the house and you have to make it a balanced meal.  This is your challenge."

Adam looks up at her and says "No doughnuts then, huh."

"No, no doughnuts."

That kid kills me, at 5 he knows that doughnuts are not health food. One point for me! Though I have just been informed by my oldest child that I don't get points for nutritional stuff....Only killing things.  SO that means I get extra points for killing all the sea monkeys that hatched and then promptly died.  Wooo Hooo!  I think I get like 30 for that one!

It's NOT DOG!!!!

Having hot dogs for dinner with the boys this was the conversation:

Corbin: What is in the corn dog?

Me: Meat.

Corbin: Dog?

Me: No chicken.

Corbin: Dog tail?

Zach: Want to know whats really in it?

Corbin:  Yes. 

Zach:  Mechanically separated chicken.  Which means chicken parts like the beaks and feet.

Corbin:  So kinda like dog.

Me:  It's NOT DOG!

Corbin: Okay.  But what is in the hot dog?

As I am waving Zach off to describe further pieces of chicken parts. 

Me:  Chicken.

Corbin: Chicken?  So what in the corn dog.

Adam, Zach and I together: CHICKEN!!!!!!

Corbin:  Okay so not dog tail then.

Me: No...

Stop drinking your brothers tears? WHAT????

This was one of those mornings that I would rather forget except for the small details that just cracked me up.

We were doing school work, yes even during tax season we get some work done, and Adam decided he wanted a waffle.  This child is more than capable of putting a frozen waffle in the toaster but he decided to have a moment.  Not a senior moment, a toddler moment I guess I would call it or a youngest child moment.  You know when they just can't do anything for themselves and everything you tell them just gets them angrier.

Instead of asking for help or doing it himself he threw himself behind the couch and started crying. 

At this point Zach looks at me and says:

What's his problem?

I don't know, you saw as much as I did.

We coax Adam out from behind the couch get the waffle situation covered and I ask him:

Why are you crying?

I JUST DON'T KNOW!!!!! (Poor guy, just having a day.)

Now Corbin ventures into the room and looks at Adam:

C:  Are those real tears running down your face?

A: (sniff, hiccup) YES!

Corbin proceeds to put his finger on his brothers cheek and catch a tear. 

C:  Humm, yup, that's a real tear, I'm going to save it for later when I need it.

And he proceeds to stick his finger in his mouth and then he touches another tear and does it again.

Corbin!  Stop drinking your brothers tears!

C:  Okay, they are kinda salty.

God save me.  I laughed. You know that awful look your parents used to send you when you did something wrong?  Yeah that one, I failed at it today.  I did not hold my laughter in while scolding my child.  That's what our parents were doing when they looked so strange and scary. They were holding in their laughter while scolding us at the same time.

5 Little words you never want to hear with Shampoo in your hair.

There are days I wonder why I don't plan my activities better.  I find that as soon as I get comfortable, the screw up fairy is always there to say "Ha! Gotcha!"

Today is one of my poor planning days.  I planned to got to kickboxing and actually exercise and then come home and take a shower while Adam was in therapy.  Ha! 

What ended up happening?  We ended up chit chatting our way through kickboxing.  Hard to work out when I'm alone and would rather talk business. When I got home, I cleaned the kitchen while Adam was in therapy and ended up not getting to take my shower.  Now the really poor planning on my part was this, I thought that I could take a shower even though I sent my oldest child off for the evening with one of his bff's. 

I'm in the shower and Adam comes in crying.

Whats the matter?

A:  You didn't put syrup on my waffle and cut it up before you got in the shower!

Sorry baby.  Just wait a minute and I'll be out.  I have to get the shampoo out of my hair.

He walks out head down tears streaming down his face.  A minute later he runs back in with a huge smile on his face.

A: Mommy!  Its okay you don't have to hurry now.

A little frightened by the change in attitude I cautiously say "Why is that?"

A:  Corbin cut it up for me. (5 little words you never want to hear while in the shower) He put syrup on them too! (Oh goodie, let me contain my excitement of the mess I will now have to clean.)
Oh boy.  Darn it!  I have shampoo in my hair and I'm thinking of how my kitchen is going to look and wondering if Corbin has any fingers left.  Adam didn't say there was blood so I was hopeful that they both still had all their fingers and I wasn't going to have a Froto case on my hands.

Miraculously, I walked into the kitchen after all was said and done and there wasn't even a plate on the table or one drop of syrup.  The plate wasn't even flooded with syrup.  My boys are growing up.....Then they started playing dinosaurs and had intermixed Phineas and Ferb with Dino Dan into their dialog....Who knew that dinosaurs would say yes, yes, I am too old to be alive.  Okay then.