Things I had to Google today.

Living in an extended family home has so many benefits. 

My favorite is when my mother reads my children stories about their great grandparents and some of their adventures while owning properties in downtown San Francisco in the '60s and '70s.

Today's new words consisted of:

    Hand Jobs

    Blow Jobs

    AIDS

    Prostitution

    Pasties

    G-String

    Drag Queen

    Psychedelic

    Cherries

    Insane Assylum 

For my sweet boy having his grandmother explain pasties was too much. 

We closed my office door and started reading the little excerpts my aunt had written while helping manage the office building. 

He was very embarrassed but willing to talk with me about what my mother read to him. 

When I explained what a prostitute did, he said, "I'm pretty sure that is not an occupation I would not like."

We explored all of the definitions of each of our words of the day and got a quick lesson on why you don't google everything. Rue Paul is fun to see, though. 

When we were done and went back out in the front room, he gave his younger brother some good advice, "If grandmother tries to read you something, RUN!"

    

Jingle Bells

My husband has developed a way to get me to stop working at 5pm no matter what I'm in the middle of. 

At exactly 5pm the blow up trees outside our house fill with air and start playing Jingle Bells over and over and over again. 

I can't hear it any where else in the house except the 2 rooms I work in. 

Well played husband. Well played. 

I'm kinda scared he might get a singing blow up for every season....

Math and Sex Ed

 My youngest is struggling with the math rule that you do parentheses, multiplication, division, addition, subtraction.

Go with the acronym, PMDAS.

Or you can use PMS.

He turned 3 shades of red and I knew he would never forget the PMS again.

His brother came in and was like MOM!!!!!  Couldn't you do Parachutes My Dear Aunt Sally anything but Premenstrual syndrome!!!! He will be scarred for life!!!!

Yes but he will never forget to do the parentheses first. 

"Nothing like getting two subjects done at the same time! Math and Sex Ed!"

Disastrous Dinners and Ear Explosions

Coronavirus has given us less drama most days. 

Less to write about.

Less drama.

Less fun.

Just less.

The other night we had an explosion of issues.

I put the chickens my mom got from Trader Joes in the oven and went back to work. 

An hour later I smell the chicken, it doesn't smell good.

At the same moment I realize that the chicken may have gone bad, my grandmother needs her ears cleaned out. 

I go in the bathroom to help her and end up messing up her ear so it started bleeding. Well crap!!!!  

Back in the kitchen the smell is getting worse and worse as my husband is cutting it up. We have to throw away the chicken it is rancid. My husband starts to dump the chicken juices in the kitchen sink. Safe place you would think if you could put that type of thing. Nope, that is where I had just left the pasta to strain for the rest of dinner. 

Now I have a grandmother with a bloody ear, ruined dinner, a house that smells like a toilet, and 3 kids running around spraying Lysol and Febreze. 

Dinner ended up being leftovers for those of us who are grain and gluten free and pasta with white sauce for my grandmother with microwaved chicken tenders on top. (She loved every bite, since she seems to hate everything I give her I will take the win.)

A week later her ear is still having issues and the doctors won't even see her because of COVID. Plus, I served her almost the same thing last night and like clockwork, she hated it. 

I know how parents of toddlers feel from personal experience with my toddlers now I am experiencing it through eyes of someone who can talk back. I am pretty sure everything she says is what the toddlers would like to say. 

Some days I can do no right. 

2020 Lessons - Corona can suck it and so can racists

During this insane time I have:

Been a hair stylist. (Not a good one, I dyed my hair pink and my husbands blue which didn't show up because he has black hair.)

A nail technician. Again, not a good one, I glued my fingers together trying to glue my grandmothers acrylic nail back to her real nail.

Helped keep one essential business open. Thank god no one got the virus!

Helped one trade school to reopen and one karate studio.

I have listened to people tell me everything from "this will all be over in November," to "we all need to just get it and let those that die, die," to "We all just need to stay home and never leave again." 

The research and care I took to do all the things I have done have led me to believe:

1. Diseases are not political. Stop making this about the election. 

2. I don't want my 96 year old grandmother to die like that. We won't be just going out and letting her get this illness. Nor will we be attending any corona-virus parties. 

3. No I have not become agoraphobic, I will be going outside. I will also not be going to your large parties, I have a 96 year old grandmother, a 73 year old mother, and 2 kids who have lung issues. 

4. Yes I will giggle about your struggles with homeschooling, only because you probably told me at some point that I was nuts for homeschooling and that my kids would not be normal because of homeschooling. Or some other societal thing that you were fed about making sure your kid was in school and it made you uncomfortable that I bucked the system. 

5. I will also give you whatever help I can to make your homeschooling experience easier. I have gotten one kid into college and he does have a 4.0. 

6. I will wear a mask because I have done my own research and know that even though the "system" says I should, it actually makes sense to do so. Bucking the system here is just not worth it. 

7. I am allergic to most of the masks I have tried. I will keep trying to find one that doesn't make my face break out in hives. 

8. Black lives matter. When my children ask if a police officer could do that to their stepfather my answer is a heart sickening yes. Could it happen to anyone sure. However, I know that my white ex husband is less likely to be pulled over than my Hispanic husband. It is more likely to have him murdered by police than my ex-husband so I will not lie to my children and say no. 

9. I am tired of people who stare at my husband and I when we go places. Dude he's hot and you need to get over the color difference. 

10. I am disgusted with Christians who say they follow Jesus yet here we are in 2020 having to pass laws to allow LGBQT's keep their jobs. If you followed Jesus "LOVE THY NEIGHBOR" there was no subtext there that said love thy neighbor unless they are a different color, gay, or you know just weird. He said love them and if you are uncomfortable don't hang out with them but that's YOUR problem not theirs. 

11. By having people tell me I am being crazy and overprotective it is not endearing you to my heart it is just hurtful. I am doing the best for my family with a vast amount of research I have done to keep not just my family safe but the businesses I help run. 

12. Mental health is important. Getting care for our children when they are young could help them have happy successful lives. Get over your issues and get your kids help. They will thank you later when they don't have to deal with those same issues as adults. 

Mental Health issues are real. Corona and racists can suck it . 

Homeschooling at its finest.

My youngest son came into my office this afternoon very upset. 

"What's wrong?"

"I am reading science and it just doesn't make any sense to me."

"What doesn't make sense?"

"The book says one thing but the rest of the world says something else."

In comes the oldest:

"That's called using facts to slant an argument in the direction you believe it should go regardless of the actual facts. Mom, you never made me do this science."

"You did science."

"Not at his age."

"Crap, you're right."

The conversation went down hill from there to the point where the oldest pulled out the common core standards and asked the youngest all the questions he should be able to answer to pass the standard.

"See he's done with science for the year and it looks like he's done till 8th grade."

There aren't many days that they team up against me, but today they did and won. They used facts and slanted them in their direction. I could have fought it but I know that this will not be the last time that my youngest will learn about animals. I will stick it in with all his other stuff so he won't even notice it's science. Just like I did with the oldest.

Teaching PreAlgebra using Social Distancing....Some Days I Scare Myself

My little guy came into my office this morning for help with math.

Today I was listening to the most recent laws to help employees with the COVID-19 virus. He waited for my conference to end and then fell apart.

"Mom, I just don't get this!" (Tears! Lots of tears come after that.)

What don't you get my love?

"THIS" 30X=.08

"I don't get it at all!!!"

Okay kido lets look at this. So what they want to do since X is too close to 30 people is socially distance those 30 people from X. What do we have to do to get someone who is multiplying an illness?

"We remove them."

"So how do you remove 30 people when they are too close to the illness?"

"We divide them out."

"And then what?"

"Then you get .02 and 2/3 and less people getting sick."

Exactly